self-doubt

This then is how we know that we belong to the truth, and how we set our hearts at rest in his presence whenever our hearts condemn us. For God is greater than our hearts, and he knows everything.  (1 John 3:19-20)

I have always been full of self-doubt. My tendency is to be overly analytical. I have to look at everything from 16 different ways and by the time I have finished, I have analyzed all of the good motives out of what I have done.

It is a heart full of self-doubt that does it. If I ever mention it, one of the first knee-jerk reactions of a lot of preachers, especially, and Christians in general is “You just have to have faith, brother.”

Baloney. That is the original Hebrews and Greek words paraphrased. And people who say that usually do not have the slightest idea of what they are saying or the effect it has on other people.

It is not unusual for a man striving after God to have self-doubts. That is all the way through the Bible. You often see God’s men full of self-doubt. The only one who wasn’t was Jesus himself. He had enough of God in him that he never doubted his mission. However, on the other hand, on the night of his arrest, he too began to wonder if there could be another way. If this cup could pass from me. If there is any other way. Maybe not self-doubt, but more dread.

But look at all the others. Gideon worried about whether or not God wanted him particularly. Moses tried to convince God to take someone else. Jeremiah the same. David had problems with wondering if God was even with him. Psalm 22: My God, my God, why have you forsaken me?

Elijah, a man who was so good that he was taken up into heaven bodily so he wouldn’t have to die, had depression so bad, it immobilized him at times. Even after great miracles, he would lapse into it. At one point, he said I am the only one left, and now they are trying to kill me too. God said, no. He still had people obeying him.

Going all the way to the New Testament, there was John the Baptizer. It was him that Jesus was talking about when he said that there wasn’t anyone greater. Yet, he sent his disciples to Jesus just to make sure that he was the one God had sent. Moments of self-doubt. What if it is all not true and I die in failure?

Paul, the great apostle himself, had these doubts. What if I get to heaven and there is no one with me and my life has been wasted (1 Corinthians 3:10-14)? What if I get there and I have a bunch of people but they get to go in and I don’t because of my pride (1 Corinthians 9:27)?

I suppose that it is not uncommon for one striving after God to have these problems. In fact, I suppose that if we have no problems we are dead, so the presence of problems indicates more life to be lived in his glory.

So I doubt, but I know that God is greater than my doubt. I don’t think I am worthy, but too bad, doodad, it doesn’t matter what I think.

The thing is, God never condemned people for having self-doubts. He made us that way, os it is highly unlikely that we will be a whole lot different.

Anyone who says otherwise does not know what they are talking about and do more harm than good.

I also think they are lying to themselves as much as to others. It is a common condition of humanity. Just look at the people I just mentioned. If Elijah Moses and Paul had self-doubt and even Jesus wanted to change the way things would be done, who are you to pretend you are so good and holy.

He is my God and I will ever serve him, even if badly and unworthily. And he knows better than I do what kind of person I am.