I am going to blog my fast as I go along and give thoughts on it. May it be to the glory of God.
Day One of my Fast:
February 1, 2011
10:35 AM
Is this the kind of fast I have chosen,I begin a 21 day fast today. This is the longest I have fasted since 1997 when I went on the 30 day fast before the National Day of Prayer. Oddly enough, that fast went well and it was relatively – not easy, but simple, I suppose.
only a day for people to humble themselves?
Is it only for bowing one’s head like a reed
and for lying in sackcloth and ashes?
Is that what you call a fast,
a day acceptable to the LORD?
Is not this the kind of fasting I have chosen:
to loose the chains of injustice
and untie the cords of the yoke,
to set the oppressed free
and break every yoke? (Isaiah 58:5-6)
Obviously, at the time, God was with me on it.
However, since that time it has been hard to do. I have gone on shorter ones, but never one of that magnitude. Until now.
I have felt the call of God to fast for a couple of years now and have resisted. Fasting is a lonely thing. Others are just a little afraid of you and kind of tiptoe in your presence talking about food. It makes people uncomfortable when everybody but one person is eating. Fasting does better in groups, I suppose, although I never have been part of a group that fasted that got together and prayed together.
But this one, with the help of God, I will do.
There are several things I want to pray for as I fast.
1. That God hears me and answers my petitions. These are simple. At least for him. Take away the sadness that seems to have overcome me lately. Relieve my depression as he did when he baptized me in the Holy Spirit back in 1995. That was great and it lasted for several years before the pressures set in again. Give me the joy I used to have.
2. That he answers my questions and pleas for this work here. It is a difficult work, one that has had problems not of my making from the very beginning. Things were allowed to continue here for years and came to a head when I came. I want to know from God what it is that he wants me to do and how he wants me to do it.
3. That this church grow and become a dynamic church. God has shown me things in the past that he wants of me and so far has not fulfilled them. I know his time is not the same as mine, but I love this church and want it to grow. If God is in charge – and I believe he is – then he has a plan for this church and for me here. He brought me here for a reason and I need to know what it was. Surely it was not just to get me out of the way so that others could do good stuff elsewhere.
Today I pray for the leaders of both this country and the world. I will also pray for the local leaders.
National:Lord, I pray for these people that they may have courage to lead in the direction you want them to lead, that they can have discretion and strength to do what is right in their leadership that they may bring this nation back to you. Give them power in your way. Stop them when they lead wrong and let them know your will. Strengthen them in that will.
President Barack Obama
Vice-President Joe Biden
Speaker of the House John Boehner
Nebraska Senators of the 112th Congress
Mike Johanns - (R - NE)
Ben Nelson - (D - NE)
Nebraska Representatives
Fortenberry, Jeff, Nebraska, 1st
Smith, Adrian, Nebraska, 3rd
Terry, Lee, Nebraska, 2nd
State:
Governor Dave Heineman
Rick Sheehy Lieutenant Governor
Speaker of the Nebraska Legislature Sen. Mike Flood
District 21 (Lincoln) Sen. Ken Haar
Local:
Mayor Chris Beutler
Lincoln Council Members
Northeast - District 1: Doug Emery
Southeast - District 2: Jon Camp
Southwest - District 3: Jonathan Cook
Northwest - District 4: John Spatz -Chair
At-Large: Eugene Carroll -Vice-Chair
Adam Hornung
Jayne Snyder
Bless me as I fast before you that I will not just starve, but that I will grow closer to you, and know you better, that you will hear me and answer me.
I praise your name. In Jesus, amen.
Day two of my fast:
February 2, 2011
10:30 AM
Dear friends, if our hearts do not condemn us, we have confidence before God and receive from him anything we ask, because we obey his commands and do what pleases him. And this is his command: to believe in the name of his Son, Jesus Christ, and to love one another as he commanded us. Those who obey his commands live in him, and he in them. And this is how we know that he lives in us: We know it by the Spirit he gave us. (1 John 3:22-24)Today we pray for the harvest (that the Lord of the Harvest will send laborers into the fields as 4 billion people have yet to proclaim Jesus as Savior).
This is one of the roughest days of fasting for me. It is the day in which I feel recriminations and depression over my life and character in general. I don’t know why today, but there have been times when I went off my fast on the second day simply because I could not stand the introspection.
That sounds goofy, I know, but it is true. For some reason, on the second day I begin to look at myself.
I guess I never really cared for myself as a person. I know me. I have always wished I could be different. All my life I have been dissatisfied with myself and wished I could be different.
My nose is too small, my lips too thick and cupid looking, I am shaped wrong, my ankles are too thin. When I was younger, my hair would never lay right on my head, I am knock-kneed. There is little even today that I like about my body.
I have also always felt like a poser, an impostor. I heard about the impostor syndrome several years back and realized that it fit me to a T – whatever that means.
The impostor syndrome is such that you think of yourself as pretending to be something you are not. If people really knew you, they would realize that you are a hypocrite. No matter what you do or how well you do it, you work yourself so that your motives are suspect. Nothing you do is really true, nothing is really from the heart, nothing is of any real value or importance. When you die, your wife and maybe your daughter will be there, but nobody else. They will probably have to get a preacher from the funeral home pool.
None of that is necessarily true, but it doesn’t stop my mind from racing towards elf-condemnation.
That is the point of the scripture above. No matter what you may think of yourself, God thinks differently. He sees you as he wants to. If you have the blood of Jesus covering you, he sees you as holy. And no matter what your inadequacy is or what you may feel it is, it doesn’t matter. God is greater than your heart.
If I make it through today and maybe tomorrow, I can go a long time.
Today we pray that the gospel can be preached and that people will respond. It is amazing at the reception of the gospel in some of the Muslim countries. Even in the midst of horrible persecution, people are turning to Jesus.
The sad thing is that in our own country, where there is no real persecution, people are dropping from church like flies. Church is beginning to be seen as irrelevant, or at least as one of many viable ways to see God. The diversity plague that has spread through our country has hurt us more than we think. It has diluted the perceived value of Christianity and made it into one of many, rather than the Way.
Father God, we pray that you send more into areas where your gospel is so desperately needed. I pray that here in Lincoln, the gospel can be heard and people can come to your saving grace. Bless those in hard places that they can have strength and power. Move your sovereign will over this world and show your power. Here I am, Lord, send me. I will go wherever you want me to go and do whatever you want me to do. I only ask that you show me. O God, you are my God, and I will ever serve you. Praise your name.
addendum:
I was shoveling the snow while ago and past conversations kept bubbling up in my head, things that had gone badly and things I wished I could change.
It really is foolish. Again, the second day is hard on me. I hash and rehash things.
I suppose it gets them out of my system for the rest of the fast. I would surely like for them to hurry and be gone.
Thank you, Lord, for loving me and being greater than my treacherous and condemning heart. Change me, O Lord, into what you want. Remove all of the bad and put in your goodness and holiness. Amen.
