i am damaged goods

Blessed are those who mourn, for they will be comforted. (Matthew 5:4)

I am damaged goods.

There have been a lot of things that have happened in my almost four decades as a pastor that have been truly bad. And the worst part of it is that they were done in the name of God by people who have claimed to be living by the Holy Spirit.

It has affected me in a lot of ways. And there has been a lot of anger come up because of it.

Add to that the fact that my family suffered because of it and it has sometimes been almost overwhelming.

All ministers are like that to an extent. It is one reason so many PK’s are angry about being such. They have seen the ugly side of Christians in the abuse heaped on their father in the pursuit of his ministry and because of his love for God.

Jesus knew this. After all, it was he who hung on a cross even though he had done nothing to deserve it. Those who crucified him thought that they were doing church in a normal way. Like modern folks, if they didn’t like what the preacher was saying or how he was doing his job, they would fire him. The fact that it would hurt his family and his children and him personally made no difference.

Oh, they might look sad at the meeting and say some stuff about how sorry they were to be having to do this, but they lied.

And they lied to Jesus. They told him that he was not from God because they could not believe God would say what Jesus said. They wanted a Messiah that was strong and forceful and one that would give them what they wanted, not what God wanted. After all, what they wanted took precedence over what God wanted. Did they not give to the church? They were important members.

But Jesus did what God wanted anyway and in the doing was killed.

The remarkable thing about Jesus was that as he was dying, after they had nailed nails into his hands and put a crown of thorns on his head, after they had beaten him half to death and spit on him, after they had humiliated him by his public shaming – after all this, he said Father, forgive them. They do not understand what they are doing.

He knew they thought they were doing things like they should be done, like they had always been done. He knew they didn’t understand.

They had always done that. They were like a church that has gone through minister after minister, trying to find one that would tell them what they wanted to hear. They went through prophet after prophet looking for the perfect one. The ones that told them what they wanted, they rewarded. The others they killed.

Jesus knew this and he mourned. And he said that those who know this and mourned would be comforted. He knew that there is something better than what happens here on this earth.

Those who have hurt his men and women of God will know sooner or later that they have done wrong. I do mourn for all the Preachers’ Kids that suffer for it, for all the pastors’ wives who find themselves homeless, for all the ministers who have been thrown out “in the name of God,” for all the weak members who leave the church because of the hypocrisy.

And I remember that it happened to Jesus and he forgave. I can do no less.

I am damaged goods. We all are, because we have all been damaged by sin and the effects of it.

Just like Jesus. He was the perfect man of God and still got thrown away by his church. He, like me, was damaged.

I would like to forgive like him and be like him. I am damaged goods, but I am also his child.