ending day two of my fast

They will neither hunger nor thirst. The searing sun will not reach them anymore. For the LORD in his mercy will lead them; he will lead them beside cool waters. (Isaiah 49:10)

Ending day two of my fast. I think I will go three days if the Lord allows.

I had a strange thing happen this evening. We were watching a program on the internet and they were talking about a clam restaurant somewhere that was shaped like a clam box. Never having seen a clam box, I would have to take their word for it.

But what got me was when she brought out a plate of fried clams, french fries and onion rings that was really big. There was a lot of food on that plate. And it looked so good.

I am afraid that if I had the chance I am not sure I could have kept up the fast. If they had been here in the flesh so to speak I do not thing I could have resisted them.

The funny thing is that I am not that fond of clams. They are okay and I will always eat some at Golden Corral because they are there. But they are not my favorite.

Tonight though, they were the essence of my dreams. I could almost smell them. It was a case of food lust, a desire so great that it was only for the fact that they were on the screen that I got by. If I had known it would be on there, I would not have watched it.

It is funny what grabs us at moments of weakness. Last year when I was on the 21 day fast the Foursquare Church called (I think I turned out to be the only one on it), Ella was eating a piece of toast with her meal. But it was the toast that I fixated on. It was near the end of my fast and I was really beginning to feel the effects of the denial and that toast looked so good.

It came to me that I can understand why people get so hungry they will eat anything. Usually if I think about a food it means that I am not hungry, just wanting. But the need to eat – which is sublimated in a fast – was so strong that I began to see things in a totally different light.

Tonight, it was the desire for clams, no hunger. Although hunger fueled the desire, it was not real hunger. For one thing it has only been two days.

I praise you Lord for your mercy and your grace in my life and that you have always given me so much. I pray that you give me more. Give me a job, a ministry, a place to go adn something to do. Give me your presence and your grace even more. Amen.

daily java

Daily Java:

That is why the LORD says, “Turn to me now, while there is time. Give me your hearts. Come with fasting, weeping, and mourning. (Joel 2:12)

This is day of my fast. I still am not sure how long I plan to go but I am on a water only fast. Unless you count my medications, of course. I still take them.

Yesterday was a hard day with all of the recriminations and such that come typically on my first day. Today I hope will be more of introspection.

I do feel a bit light headed today as I have had no nutrition at all, usually I drink other things while I do this but this time I am not. I have gone a week with just water in the past, but I was also healthier in the past, so it wasn’t as hard.

There is an odd euphoria that comes from fasting. I feel a bit of it today. In 1997 when I was on the thirty day fast, it got quite strong.

But for now I am seeking the Lord. It seems that he has deserted us. and you can give me all of the goofball stuff I hear all the time about God never leaving you, but at the same time, he seems to have left us. Ella is getting worse and even fell the other day, hurting her knee quite badly.

He has left us jobless and penniless and me in the midst of the deepest depression, the likes of which I never knew existed.

I need to hear him and to know that he has not left us. surely he has not thrown us away.

Dear Lord, I call on you and ask that you hear me. Answer the fears I have, replace them with the knowledge of your presence. We need you so badly. Amen.

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Daily Java:

Jesus responded, “Do wedding guests fast while celebrating with the groom? Of course not. But someday the groom will be taken away from them, and then they will fast.” (Luke 5:34-36)

I am embarking on a fast. I am not sure how long it will be but I am thinking three days. I intend to make it a complete fast with only water.

The reason is that I no longer feel the presence of God in my life.

I am beginning to wonder if he is through with me, if he has deserted me. I know, the Bible says he will not do that, but at the same time, we are living in poverty, my wife is struggling with her illness, I can find no job and my ministry seems to be dead. If that is not an indication of God leaving me, I would hate to see what one would look like.

I do not fast well. I used to. There were times when I fasted a lot and frequently. Then I went on that 30 day fast in April of 1997. From then on, it has been hard to do so.

I fasted last year for the first 21 days of February and that was physically very hard on me. not only that, it ended with the death of my father and that was all. My work in Lincoln died and with it my association with the Foursquare Church. I have no further use for them and it seems, they have no further use for me. I was ordained with great pomp and circumstance in October and thrown out in July.

So now I have to figure out what to do. I am poison to the Church of Christ for having left and I do not really want to go back into that group anyway. I don’t know about the Christian Church yet but am going to try to look into it. It is the most balanced of the denominations in many ways. They have their holes, but we all do.

I wait for the Lord.

I do not think anybody really reads this blog. For the most part it is self-amusement. But I am going to keep a journal of the fast in here.

Hear me, Lord. Answer me. set me free from this prisons so that I may praise your name. show me your way or at least show me your face. Amen.

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Daily Java:

Not that I was ever in need, for I have learned how to be content with whatever I have. I know how to live on almost nothing or with everything. I have learned the secret of living in every situation, whether it is with a full stomach or empty, with plenty or little. For I can do everything through Christ, who gives me strength. (Philippians 4:11-13)

A couple of us were talking the other day about what we have done in our lives. And I was thinking that I have done a lot of things in my life. Some pretty varied experiences.

I have worked every job you can imagine at one time or another. Galveston County seawall maintenance, taking money out of pay phones for SW Bell, telephone company lineman, the army for 2 years (in Germany), warehouse, oil field, sales, radio, TV, grocery store, shoe store and encyclopedia salesman, warehouse man with emphasis on unloading 100 pound sacks off box cars and more. I even chipped concrete off overhead girders with a jackhammer for a couple of days. That will make a young man tired.

There was time spent as a writer for an asphalt magazine and as writer and photographer for a community newspaper, and a couple of other magazines. I was also a DJ for three radio stations, and worked with a cable TV station in north Houston, TX.

I have spoken in and directed workshops and seminars all over America in subjects ranging from music to philosophy to puppetry and motivational speaking in addition to my ministry.

I have been in and on the board of directors of the Rotary Club, vice-president of Cleveland, TX, Interfaith Charity Organization, a member of the Chamber of Commerce and Lions' Club and have always been active in community functions. In addition to being past president and current vice-president of the Ministerial Alliance and president of a Christian clown organization, I have done puppetry, and played guitar occasionally for pre-schoolers in several local libraries.

There was also a stint as a commissioned police officer with the role of a police chaplain for the Kiefer, OK (suburban Tulsa), Police Department. I was involved with the Domestic Violence Center in De Queen, AR, and was in the Hospital Chaplain program at De Queen Regional Medical Center, Texarkana, TX, and Kansas City, MO.

I was even Pastor for the Day for the 1993 Texas House of Representatives.

I have had the good fortune to pastor larger churches and be involved in big things.

But now I come to this point in life in which I wonder what God has in store for me. what is it? And why does he wait so long to tell me? We truly do know how to live on nothing or with everything, and with plenty or little. And he knows it.

He seems to have forgotten me. And it gets real tiresome when people tell me that God is waiting on his own good time. That may be true, but there is no reason for him to leave us penniless and without his touch.

Foolish man that I am though, if I had it to do again, I would do it again.

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Daily Java:

Let your wife be a fountain of blessing for you. Rejoice in the wife of your youth. (Proverbs 5:18)

When you are married for as long as we have been, lust is a choice you make.

I was reading an article the other day about how to keep lust alive in a marriage. Love in many ways is easy. You get to feel real affection for each other and you have been through a lot together. If you work it right, that breeds a lot of love.

But lust. How is it that a couple that has been married for 41 years can still feel lust for each other.

It is something to consider. Neither my wife nor I look like we did 41 years ago when first got married. I was 185 pounds, in the army and could do a lot of pushups and situps. I walked a lot and was in great shape. For the most part, so was she. She wore a size 10 or 12 dress and looked pretty good. Our wedding night and subsequent nights were fun.

The physical side of our relationship was good for several years just off momentum.

But there comes a time when you start getting older. You gain weight and stuff falls that needs to stay up. Lovemaking gets harder. Someone once wrote, “Sex after 60 is like shooting pool with a rope.” And it is true.

You can go the medical route and that helps some. Since the boomers want to keep having sex, a lot of pills have been developed that helps them, but they are expensive. And some you can’t take a lot.

Not only that, though, but you can take all of the libido-accentuating pills in the world, and there is still the problem that you are trying to desire someone that is the same age you are. You are back to the same problem you started with. How do you keep lust alive with a marriage partner of many years.

I think my wife and I do a good job. I like her and she likes me. we are committed to each other and decided to spend our sexual lives with each other only. There is no avenue outside of her that I can take. So I need to find her appealing or I am stuck.

I had a teacher in seminary that told us that if our wives cut us off at the sex pump, then we were stuck. If we believe in the Bible, there is no other way to have sex except with her. So what we needed to do was to be nice to her and learn to love her and treat her well. That way she would return the gesture.

And that is true. Part of our keeping lust alive is being nice to each other, being polite. And we have decided that we are it as far as sex goes. When that is the case, you find ways to make it enjoyable and find ways to want it.

Porn is of course, no option. It is demeaning and debasing to both partners and there is no way either of you look like the people in those things so in many ways it is self-defeating. Besides, if it takes that to get you excited then you are not really making love to your wife. You are only using her as a stand-in and you are committing adultery. You are with your mind anyway when you look at porn.

I decided at some time in the past that I liked my wife. And I like what she does with me. she is inventive in sex and loves me absolutely. So what do I want? Would I like it if she were younger and more beautiful? I guess I would force myself to do so. But then the problem comes that I am still the same guy, and maybe she wishes I was younger and more handsome.

She is my wife, I am her husband. When we make love, we are making love not just to each other, but to a history of 41 years together. we were virgins on our wedding night and we make love to a history. We decided to like each other.

Sounds too simple, but it is true.

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Daily Java:

Then the Lord said to Elijah, “Go and live in the village of Zarephath, near the city of Sidon. I have instructed a widow there to feed you.” So he went to Zarephath. As he arrived at the gates of the village, he saw a widow gathering sticks, and he asked her, “Would you please bring me a little water in a cup?” As she was going to get it, he called to her, “Bring me a bite of bread, too.” But she said, “I swear by the Lord your God that I don’t have a single piece of bread in the house. And I have only a handful of flour left in the jar and a little cooking oil in the bottom of the jug. I was just gathering a few sticks to cook this last meal, and then my son and I will die.” But Elijah said to her, “Don’t be afraid! Go ahead and do just what you’ve said, but make a little bread for me first. Then use what’s left to prepare a meal for yourself and your son. For this is what the Lord, the God of Israel, says: There will always be flour and olive oil left in your containers until the time when the Lord sends rain and the crops grow again!” So she did as Elijah said, and she and Elijah and her family continued to eat for many days. There was always enough flour and olive oil left in the containers, just as the Lord had promised through Elijah. (1 Kings 17:9-16)

You have ten dollars left for a while to feed your family. The preacher comes up and says, give me five. You want to honor the man of God and you respect him and all. But what do you do?

The famine was bad and there no food. The widow in this narrative had just enough flour and oil left to feed herself and her son one more time and then they would die. The prophet came up and asked, bring me something to eat. She told him her predicament, that two small loves of bread stood between her and starvation and they were about to eat them.

Do it anyway, he said. and use what is left to make you and your son a meal. But if you do this, you will never again run out of meal or oil. And she did.

It took a fair amount of faith for her to give him what he asked for, especially since it was all she had. But she did. And she was blessed for it.

We may not have much, but God said that he would bless us in what we had and in what we gave. Sometimes we may not be able to give money, but there is something we can give. She had a little food and she gave it. And God blessed her. She had flour and oil forever.

As long as we give, God gives to us.

Ella and I are extremely short on money. We cannot give any. There is absolutely no extra. But we have time and we have talents. And one other thing we have is the desire and the ability to feed people.

We are always having people over to our home. It has been that way for a long time. And the great thing about it is we have never wanted for food. We have a full freezer of stuff right now. As long as we share it, we have more.

This is not because we are so great, but it is because we want to give hospitality to others. We believe in it and have for a long time.

Several years back, I had invited someone over for supper. We were in a monetary fix at the time then too. Ella was obviously unhappy. I finally asked her what was wrong. She replied, “We have no money and you are giving our food away!” I opened the freezer door and it was jam packed with food. I opened the other freezer door on the other refrigerator and it too was full. It had meat, cheese, bread, vegetables – everything you can imagine – in abundance.

She realized the unique and really kind of weird blessing we had from God. As long as we do it, we have plenty. As long as we give it away, we have plenty.

And not only that, we bring people in the church together in a small group setting. I learn more about others and they learn about us. we talk about God and the things of grace and we have a good time.

It makes a difference. In many ways, we – Ella and I – are the only real hospitality outlet of our church. Outside of us, there is not a lot of getting together. I want to change that.

But it starts with me and with my generosity with what I have. When I am generous with others, God multiplies it to me.

Praise his name.

daily java

Daily Java:

If you obey me, there will always be a descendant of David sitting on the throne here in Jerusalem. The king will ride through the palace gates in chariots and on horses, with his parade of attendants and subjects. (Jeremiah 22:4)

I had a great time in the parade Saturday afternoon. The church people walked along and waved and threw candy and the town and county people stood on the side and waved and picked up the candy.

Parades have always struck me as strange in some ways. A few people walk in the center of the street and wave at a lot of people standing on the side of the street. It is kind of like those little trains that went through Hermann Park in Houston, TX, near the zoo. You would sit in the train and wave at people who were standing by the tracks. What for? Who knew? Who cared, for that matter? But you did it anyway.

The children had a good time riding in the little train that Zed pulled along. They were beneficent in their bestowal of candy on the masses. They also had a good time watching kids and sometimes adults practically leap onto the pavement to get the cheap candy Pastor Mel bought.

But the parade was fun. Parades have not always been fun through the ages. Sometimes the parade was of prisoners of war, captives, with wagons of money looted from a neighboring town or kingdom. The people being dragged along behind the king were not happy, sometimes with hooks in their noses and stripped of their clothing, their possessions in several wagons to the rear.

They were in the parade going to their slavery or possible execution. That wasn’t particularly fun. And the people on the sides of the road were jeering and throwing things at them, rotten fruit and vegetables and rocks and such.

God told his people in the Old Testament that if they would do what he said, if they followed him as their God, the parade would always be great. There would be presents for all and everybody would wave and have a great time.

But they didn’t do it. So by the end of the kingdom of Israel they were the captives in the parade and they were the presents to be given as slaves to other people. Their stuff would be kept by the king and given to people he liked and they would live their short lives as prisoners.

What’s the point? Well, I saw that verse and thought of the parade today. One was fun and the other wasn’t. Ours was fun because we are all members of a church in a free country and got the chance to walk in the street and wave to all our friends and neighbors and promote the church and VBS.

The parade to heaven will be like that, as we go singing into the eternal city of Holy Jerusalem. I want to be part of that one, too. In that one we get the gifts and the King is our King.

What a day and what a parade that will be.

hearing praise songs

Hearing praise songs on the radio after he has allowed my disabled wife to fall on our hard concrete floor and hurt herself make me more angry than anything else. She loves him and worships him unabashedly, yet he allows things like this to happen to her.

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Daily Java:

Meanwhile, the believers who had been scattered during the persecution after Stephen’s death traveled as far as Phoenicia, Cyprus, and Antioch of Syria. They preached the word of God, but only to Jews. However, some of the believers who went to Antioch from Cyprus and Cyrene began preaching to the Gentiles about the Lord Jesus. The power of the Lord was with them, and a large number of these Gentiles believed and turned to the Lord. When the church at Jerusalem heard what had happened, they sent Barnabas to Antioch. When he arrived and saw this evidence of God’s blessing, he was filled with joy, and he encouraged the believers to stay true to the Lord. Barnabas was a good man, full of the Holy Spirit and strong in faith. And many people were brought to the Lord. Then Barnabas went on to Tarsus to look for Saul. When he found him, he brought him back to Antioch. Both of them stayed there with the church for a full year, teaching large crowds of people. (It was at Antioch that the believers were first called Christians.) (Acts 11:19-26)

For several years Saul had sat in Tarsus, his hometown. His life was in ruins. He had become a Christian and left his old job – that of police arm of the Sanhedrin Council in Jerusalem – behind. He had left an angry and baffled family and circle of friends and colleagues. He had lost everything and gained Jesus and his grace.

But meanwhile he was poison to the Jerusalem church. They were afraid of him. So he was hated by the Jews as a renegade turncoat and traitor and he was feared by the church as a possible plant to trick them. He had no where to go.

He tried preaching in the temple but, again, he was unwelcome. Finally, the church sent him back home to Tarsus. They didn’t know what to do with him, so they put him on ice, figuratively speaking.

For several years he studied and prayed and God showed him this better way. All of the things he already knew from the Scriptures were put into perspective for him so that he could become a more useful preacher and apostle.

Finally came the day when he was needed. Barnabas went to the new church at Antioch where there were a lot of Gentile converts to the faith who knew nothing of the Scriptures. They needed teaching. Barnabas had been sent by the apostles and prophets in Jerusalem to do what he could.

When he saw all that was happening he was so glad. But he also recognized the need for someone that really knew what he was doing to come and teach. That someone was Saul, who would soon become the apostle Paul.

Barnabas (whose name meant son of consolation, named so by his ability to do what was good) brought Saul back to Antioch to help him teach. For a full year, they taught the new converts what God wanted them to do.

The one who was useless because of his change of life became not only useful, but became vital and changed the face of Christianity.

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Daily Java:

O Lord, you have examined my heart
    and know everything about me.
You know when I sit down or stand up.
    You know my thoughts even when I’m far away.
You see me when I travel
    and when I rest at home.
    You know everything I do.
You know what I am going to say
    even before I say it, Lord.
You go before me and follow me.
    You place your hand of blessing on my head.
Such knowledge is too wonderful for me,
    too great for me to understand!
(Psalm 139:1-6)

A couple of odd things have happened to me in the past two day.

One is that I have had two dreams now in almost successive nights about failure. I failed in school. I was behind in the courses and couldn’t find the books or the class or couldn’t remember who the teacher was. Something on that order. It left me disappointed in myself and with a feeling of failure to go through the day.

The second was on the strange side. I was at the grocery store and a child came by being pushed in one of those huge buggies that look like a little car. They strike me as silly. But a young couple pushed the child by. The child looked at me, pointed and said, in a loud, clear voice “That boy has on a pink shirt!”

I had on a pocket t shirt that was kind of raspberry/ purple/ whatever. But it was strange on several levels. One was that the child noticed me so strongly out of a crowded store. Second was that she called me a boy.

So the failure 62 year old boy with the pink shirt. An odd way to see yourself.

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Daily Java:

About that time King Herod Agrippa began to persecute some believers in the church. He had the apostle James (John’s brother) killed with a sword. When Herod saw how much this pleased the Jewish people, he also arrested Peter. (This took place during the Passover celebration.) Then he imprisoned him, placing him under the guard of four squads of four soldiers each. Herod intended to bring Peter out for public trial after the Passover. But while Peter was in prison, the church prayed very earnestly for him. (Acts 12:1-5)

The new church is so excited and things are going well. They are growing like crazy and everybody was happy.

Then the Jewish king, Herod, captured James, one of the three that Jesus was with so much, and has him executed. He did it so easily that he thought next he would go for the leader of the group, Peter. But God let Peter out through a miracle.

James died, but Peter lived. Why?

Why would God allow one of the main apostles to be killed so quickly in the life of the church? The early church was probably less than a year old, maybe a little older and already one of its main leaders, one who had gone with Jesus and seen many things the others didn’t see, is dead. And the church has to do without his leadership.

Why would God take one and spare another? It doesn’t seem logical. He needed his apostles. And besides, James had some experiences as part of the inner three that the others didn’t. It made and it makes no sense.

The quick and easy answer is that God had a good reason. And maybe he did. However, God doesn’t send evil and this was bad.

I think the answer is that sometimes things happen. But when they do, Romans 8:28 says:

We know that God causes everything to work together for the good of those who love God and are called according to his purpose for them.

That means that even though bad things happen, God is able to use them to perform good things.

I really believe that the death of James was the devil getting in sideways into the kingdom of heaven. James was killed, then Herod captured Peter and Peter would be killed then the other apostles, then the church would be crippled and shut down and the plan of God be stopped.

But it didn’t work that way. James died, but then God said “Enough.” He was in charge, not the devil. And he would not be driven by what the devil had done. He was in control even though bad things happened for no real good reason..

I also think that it showed the early church and the other apostles that something bad could happen and that they could lose someone vital to the movement and still go on. Just because James died, as important as he was, it didn’t mean the church would stop in it tracks.

In 1979, four men who were the entire teaching staff at my seminary in Dallas were all killed in a small plane crash. Evidently, as far as they know, the pilot, who was the director of the school, got disoriented in the fog and tried to land, hitting a small drainage ditch head on. They were all killed instantly.

Why? These were all good men. Two were fathers of young children, all left grieving wives and families. There was no reason. But they died and the school as well as the church of our Lord was hurt by their absence.

Someone says that there was a reason for them to be gone. But I do not believe so. I believe that sometimes things happen, just as in Acts 12. But no matter what happens, the church continues. The devil can hurt us, but he cannot stop us.

The school was hurt, but it regrouped and continued and the effects of that school are still being felt today. All things have worked together for good because we love God.

Things happen for no apparent reason, but God continues. And so does his church.

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Daily Java:

Fathers, do not provoke your children to anger by the way you treat them. Rather, bring them up with the discipline and instruction that comes from the Lord. (Ephesians 6:4)

Today is Father’s Day. I guess one of the sad things about today is that if you forget about it, it doesn’t count as much as if you had forgotten about Mother’s Day.

But it shouldn’t be that way. Being a mother is great (not that I have ever been one, of course) but there is no single force on a child that is quite like a father.

When God likened himself to someone, it was to a father. He called himself a Father, and the Bible calls him that over and over. There is only a couple of places that he likens himself to a mother and both are commenting on his natural love.

But a Father? He calls himself that again and again. Why? I believe the reason is simple.

A mother has to love her child. She birthed the child, she nurtured it and most of the time even fed it from her own body. She has to love the kid. That is why mothers will lie through their teeth on the witness stands for their children, why they will excuse almost any behavior, why they will defend their children against overwhelming evidence.

A father, on the other hand, chooses to love his children. He is the instructor, the guide, the authority figure that God gave to each family of humanity. A family without that father figure is hurt by the absence.

You can look at any reputable study and see that families with strong father figures have much less chance of children getting into trouble than those without. That is not to say a mother cannot lead her family, but she was never made to do so by God. The father was.

That is why it is so pathetic to see the number of young men who feel it is their privilege to impregnate as many women as they can with no responsibility. They are denying what God wanted them to do and have become foolish.

I enjoyed a strong father figure in my life as did my wife. I tried to be a strong father figure and both my kids turned out good. I enjoy seeing my son be a father to his son. It is the natural order of things.

Fathers teach, they protect, they provide, they train, they discipline and above all they give strong love, not based on the fact that they have to, but because they choose to. That is why men can raise children they know are not theirs. They have chosen. It is the natural order of things.

Part of our society’s problems has been a war on fathers and it has damaged our children as well as our culture.

It can change with you, if you are a father. It can also change with you if you are a wife and mother. Love your husband enough to give him the chance to lead your family and love your children.

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Daily Java:

(Tomorrow is Father's Day. It has been over a year since my father died. This is a letter I wrote him just before he died. His Alzheimer’s was far enough along, he couldn’t understand it, but my mother said he kept it with him in his bed.)

An open letter to my Dad (written February 15, 2011)

Dear Dad:

I was thinking about you just now and wanted to tell you hi and to give you a get-well letter.

I came across a picture the other day that really hit me. It is in Freeport, TX, in the 1950’s. we were at a gathering of some kind, I believe at Howard and Linda Dickson’s house, probably after Sunday night church at the Freeport Church of Christ. We met a lot after church and sang. Then we would eat stuff and have a good time.

You worked for Houston Lighting and Power as a lineman at the time. You were a strong man, one that I stood in awe of. You were healthy and sun burned. In the picture you are looking at your sons, Gerald, your youngest, and me, Johnny, your oldest. I don’t know what we were doing, but whatever it was, we were doing it knowing that a lot of people loved us and that you were watching.

You were a good leader in the church. If I am not mistaken, you were even a deacon in the Freeport Church of Christ. And you were an elder in churches later.

You led singing and preached and taught and led by example. In general you did whatever you could do to make the church better and to advance the cause of the Lord. There was nothing you wouldn’t do for the church or for others. I have seen you work hard all week and then go help someone in their garden or building something or working on their car. You were always there for people.

You were a good man. You were honest and ethical and tried your best to teach your boys and you little daughter, Nancy Lea, who is eleven years younger than I am, all of those things.

Last night while I was praying in our Monday night prayer meeting, I thanked God for the influence you had on our lives as children of God by faith in Christ Jesus.

That influence is what kept me strong all the years I was in the army and before I became a minister of the gospel in 1974.

I do what I do today in large part because of that influence.

I pray that the Lord heal you. But above all, I pray that the will of the Lord be done in your life. You are a godly man, even though you have trouble remembering things now. Your life has been exceptional in that regard. You loved your Lord, you loved your wife and you loved you children and would do anything for them.

My prayers are also with Mom that she be the kind of person she wants to be. She too is a godly woman and I love her.

I love you. And may God bless you

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Daily Java:

Once I was young, and now I am old. Yet I have never seen the godly abandoned or their children begging for bread. (Psalm 37:25)

Growing older gives a certain perspective on life. And it is not always one you want.

I do not like looking back over stuff in my life that was not good. We were having dinner tonight and I mentioned that Ella had things happen to her in the name of God that were almost unbelievable. The lady having dinner with us really didn’t know what to say so I went on.

But it is true. And while the Bible is true and truly written, at the same time it is not always totally accurate.

I have seen the godly abandoned. I am godly and I know for a fact that my wife is, yet we have been abandoned. We even spent four days living in our van with our furniture in storage. We washed up in service station washrooms and ate from various places. It was not that we were totally broke, it was just that we did not have enough for a place to stay and no one cared enough to help us.

The church I was pastoring threw us out with just a month to prepare. It was not enough.

We have been and are currently just about destitute. I cannot find a job and the Lord seems to thrown us aside financially. I do more work in some ways for free for the church here than I did in my last pastorate in a church that did not want me. but I get no money for it and if it were not for government housing, we would be in a world of hurt.

When I was young, I truly believed that if I gave my life to the Lord, he would reward me by taking care of me. it was not true.

It is true that we have never lacked for food. and the more we feed others, the more we have people over for meals, the more food we have. Right now, we have a full freezer of stuff.

But we have no money for anything else. I found out Ella was waiting until she got her Social Security check to go to the doctor for something that was causing her pain. If I had known, I would have sold something or something to get it for her.

We drive a car that is sheer luck in many ways and I am grateful for it. But it is old and I will not be able to fix it or get another.

I wear clothes that are worn out or do not fit. I am tired of being this way.

I liked being young better. When I was young, I was stupid and was happier. Now I am older, I know better and I hate it.

Where is the care God should give us? I do not want to be given anything, yet I have been forced into a situation in which I am jobless and living off my wife’s SS check.

I used to believe that verse.

daily java

Daily Java:

At the Lord’s command, a man of God from Judah went to Bethel, arriving there just as Jeroboam was approaching the altar to burn incense. 2 Then at the Lord’s command, he shouted, “O altar, altar! This is what the Lord says: A child named Josiah will be born into the dynasty of David. On you he will sacrifice the priests from the pagan shrines who come here to burn incense, and human bones will be burned on you.” 3 That same day the man of God gave a sign to prove his message. He said, “The Lord has promised to give this sign: This altar will split apart, and its ashes will be poured out on the ground.”
4 When King Jeroboam heard the man of God speaking against the altar at Bethel, he pointed at him and shouted, “Seize that man!” But instantly the king’s hand became paralyzed in that position, and he couldn’t pull it back. 5 At the same time a wide crack appeared in the altar, and the ashes poured out, just as the man of God had predicted in his message from the Lord.
6 The king cried out to the man of God, “Please ask the Lord your God to restore my hand again!” So the man of God prayed to the Lord, and the king’s hand was restored and he could move it again.
7 Then the king said to the man of God, “Come to the palace with me and have something to eat, and I will give you a gift.”
8 But the man of God said to the king, “Even if you gave me half of everything you own, I would not go with you. I would not eat or drink anything in this place. 9 For the Lord gave me this command: ‘You must not eat or drink anything while you are there, and do not return to Judah by the same way you came.’” 10 So he left Bethel and went home another way.
11 As it happened, there was an old prophet living in Bethel, and his sons came home and told him what the man of God had done in Bethel that day. They also told their father what the man had said to the king. 12 The old prophet asked them, “Which way did he go?” So they showed their father which road the man of God had taken. 13 “Quick, saddle the donkey,” the old man said. So they saddled the donkey for him, and he mounted it.
14 Then he rode after the man of God and found him sitting under a great tree. The old prophet asked him, “Are you the man of God who came from Judah?”
 “Yes, I am,” he replied.
15 Then he said to the man of God, “Come home with me and eat some food.”
16 “No, I cannot,” he replied. “I am not allowed to eat or drink anything here in this place. 17 For the Lord gave me this command: ‘You must not eat or drink anything while you are there, and do not return to Judah by the same way you came.’”
18 But the old prophet answered, “I am a prophet, too, just as you are. And an angel gave me this command from the Lord: ‘Bring him home with you so he can have something to eat and drink.’” But the old man was lying to him. 19 So they went back together, and the man of God ate and drank at the prophet’s home.
20 Then while they were sitting at the table, a command from the Lord came to the old prophet. 21 He cried out to the man of God from Judah, “This is what the Lord says: You have defied the word of the Lord and have disobeyed the command the Lord your God gave you. 22 You came back to this place and ate and drank where he told you not to eat or drink. Because of this, your body will not be buried in the grave of your ancestors.”
23 After the man of God had finished eating and drinking, the old prophet saddled his own donkey for him, 24 and the man of God started off again. But as he was traveling along, a lion came out and killed him. His body lay there on the road, with the donkey and the lion standing beside it. 25 People who passed by saw the body lying in the road and the lion standing beside it, and they went and reported it in Bethel, where the old prophet lived.
26 When the prophet heard the report, he said, “It is the man of God who disobeyed the Lord’s command. The Lord has fulfilled his word by causing the lion to attack and kill him.”
27 Then the prophet said to his sons, “Saddle a donkey for me.” So they saddled a donkey, 28 and he went out and found the body lying in the road. The donkey and lion were still standing there beside it, for the lion had not eaten the body nor attacked the donkey. 29 So the prophet laid the body of the man of God on the donkey and took it back to the town to mourn over him and bury him. 30 He laid the body in his own grave, crying out in grief, “Oh, my brother!”
31 Afterward the prophet said to his sons, “When I die, bury me in the grave where the man of God is buried. Lay my bones beside his bones. 32 For the message the Lord told him to proclaim against the altar in Bethel and against the pagan shrines in the towns of Samaria will certainly come true.” (1 Kings 13)

The point? No matter how trustworthy the messenger, or respected the teacher, if he says something different than God told you, don’t do it.

whine, whine

For the kind of sorrow God wants us to experience leads us away from sin and results in salvation. There’s no regret for that kind of sorrow. But worldly sorrow, which lacks repentance, results in spiritual death. (2 Corinthians 7:10)

There is a point in which regrets begin taking over a person’s life.

I read an article today that said older people are happier if they remember that they can do little about the future they might have had if they had just done things differently.

The first thing I thought when reading that was “Well, duh.” And the sky is blue.

But it is true. What can I do about decisions I made in 1986 that were stupid decision and hurt me ultimately, maybe even for the rest of my life? Nothing.

And for me to sit and think about it is folly. But it is also the way I am made.

If I were given the chance to go back and do things again, would I take it? In a New York Minute, I would. Whatever that means.

But I would.

If I could just shake the sense of failure that has permeated my life. Failure on so many levels.

I do not understand why the people in this church hold me in such high esteem. The people on Sunday nights think I am great. And I do not know why. Why do they think I am great and the people in Lincoln didn’t. And the people in other places.

Why did I do so bad a job as a Pentecostal preacher? I feel that those who think highly of me would stop in a minute if they really knew me.

And the regrets about the things that I have done and not done in my life are just about to overwhelm me. I hate it, and my wife hates it, but there seems to be nothing I can do about it.

I just wish I could start here, right now, and change things. Make them better. But I cannot seem to find a job and I really have no idea even what denomination I would go into to go back into the ministry.

I want to be a pastor again, but where?

And it all comes together and makes me so tired and depressed that there are times when I am almost immobile. I almost long for that guy in Lincoln to comment again in the negative way he does so well just to wake me up.

I am tired.

No one reads this anyway, so I figure I can put it on here just to get it off my chest.

daily java

Daily Java:

Then the Lord raised up Hadad the Edomite, a member of Edom’s royal family, to be Solomon’s adversary. Years before, David had defeated Edom. Joab, his army commander, had stayed to bury some of the Israelite soldiers who had died in battle. While there, they killed every male in Edom. Joab and the army of Israel had stayed there for six months, killing them. But Hadad and a few of his father’s royal officials escaped and headed for Egypt. (Hadad was just a boy at the time.) They set out from Midian and went to Paran, where others joined them. Then they traveled to Egypt and went to Pharaoh, who gave them a home, food, and some land. Pharaoh grew very fond of Hadad, and he gave him his wife’s sister in marriage—the sister of Queen Tahpenes. She bore him a son named Genubath. Tahpenes raised him in Pharaoh’s palace among Pharaoh’s own sons. When the news reached Hadad in Egypt that David and his commander Joab were both dead, he said to Pharaoh, “Let me return to my own country.”  “Why?” Pharaoh asked him. “What do you lack here that makes you want to go home?” “Nothing,” he replied. “But even so, please let me return home.” (1 Kings 11:14-22)

There is within me a strong desire to go home.  As I get older, the desire gets stronger.

I want to go home.

But where is home?

My parents have long since moved from where I was raised and where they live is not  home. Texas is most like home to me, but Texas is also a big place. Where in Texas is home?

I have a strong affinity for Houston and Texas City. Both of us were raised in the  general Houston area, so that is a lot like home. Texas City, where I graduated high school, is also very home feeling to me, especially from 800 or 900 miles away. But it is also some of the hottest country in the world.

Boonville was where we came back to from Lincoln when my professional world fell apart. They have accepted us and loved us. I even have a following as such as a teacher here. But yet there are none of my kin here. We live in an apartment with no job.

But this is where we came with my tail between my legs.

I feel like Hadad in this passage. Even though he had never been home in Edom to speak of (he was just a boy when he left), he felt the strong desire to go home. Pharoah, the king of Egypt, liked him and even asked him what he could get at home that he could not find there in Egypt where he was among friends.

Hadad had no answer. It was just that Edom was home and Hadad wanted to return home.

I want to go home and I don’t even know for sure where home is. I need some money and a car that would make the trip and time to do it and all and just drive back to Texas and see if home hits me anywhere.

i love my wife

O Lord, listen to my cry;
    give me the discerning mind you promised.
Listen to my prayer;
    rescue me as you promised.
Let praise flow from my lips,
    for you have taught me your decrees. (Psalm 119:169-171)

I have been with my wife for almost 42 years and they, for the most part, have been good ones. She is a good woman who wants nothing but to make me happy. Her whole life has been ordered to making me happy.

And sometimes it amazes me that someone would devote her whole life to the making of her husband’s life happy.

Then I look at her and she is good. She is pure and holy and seemingly sinless. She is the kind of person that everybody likes and that people tend to gravitate towards.

And she is better than I am. I am a sinful person, one who is self-absorbed, one who tends to wallow in myself. She isn’t. she is one who is self-sacrificing and loving and good.

I am grateful for her. Without her in my life, it would be worthless. It would be meaningless. She give s a purpose to me and to my life that I really cannot fully articulate.

And I love her. It is hard to imagine what I would do without her. The picture of a bitter old man comes to mind. One who cannot be happy.

But she makes me happy. And I am glad.

daily java

Part 2 of what I would write to the Boonville MO churches:

What do churches do?

Either churches go overboard with doctrine or underboard with license. There is no point at which the simple truth of the gospel is taught.

Either churches go overboard with judgment or underboard with allowances. There is no point at which the character of the Christian is considered.

Either churches go overboard with false love for God, bringing harshness in your treatment of those with problems, or you go underboard with false love for God, bringing permission to sin.

There never seems to be any kind of balance in what they do. Paul told the churches in the New testament to be balanced, not to be overboard in anything but in their love for each other and their love for Jesus Christ.

But love is real, it is not the treacly “Why doesn’t everybody get along together” kind of tripe that the world pretends to want.

That is not real love. that is nothing more than union: the deciding to put everything aside in order to not fight.

Love demands from others. It requires things in return. It requires excellence. It requires truth. Otherwise it is nothing.

It is not a great feeling for God such that we destroy each other. It is not the setting asdie of all else so that we can get along. It is the knowledge that we are all children of God together, equal in God’s sight, all worthy of his love, all worthy of each other’s love.

More later.

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Daily Java:

I am writing to God’s church in Corinth, to you who have been called by God to be his own holy people. He made you holy by means of Christ Jesus, just as he did for all people everywhere who call on the name of our Lord Jesus Christ, their Lord and ours. (1 Corinthians 1:2)

Sunday night, Tom asked me what the apostle Paul would write to the church in Boonville, MO. How would he address them? What would he say to them? Would he condemn, cajole, criticize, compliment? What would he say?

Thinking about it, he would probably say the same thing to us that he said to them. churches are made up of people, and people are really no different today than they were then. They react differently to some things and there are elements of society today they didn’t have then.

But in general, what would he say?

If I were Paul, what would I say to this city?

The first thing I would say is get your acts together and quit pretending to be something you aren’t.

I will have to admit that I do not know one single church that I feel totally fulfills what God wants, even my own. Someone pointed out a large discrepancy last night at Bible class in our church and she was right.

I really believe the church I attend comes pretty close in many way, but in others it doesn’t. This is not an indictment of the church. We all fall short of what God wants and the only perfect church will be the one in heaven.

But here goes.

1.    Quit sacrificing quality for quantity. So many churches try to grow by releasing things they do not want rather than focusing on the will of God. Getting rid of things so that we can be more “tolerant” or “loving” of others is not going to make us grow. Jesus called us to excellence, not the middle. We will never grow if we are not stretched to do that which we cannot do on our own. That is one of the reasons we get together as a church: to stretch each other (Hebrews 10:23-25). If left to our own devices, we get tired and do not do what we need.

That is the whole point of all of the AA and NA and OA or Weight Watchers. They are there for mutual support in doing something we do not want to do. The less we do and the less we demand of each other, the less we will grow. Any church that gets rid of the hard things in the name of tolerance cannot help but die.

Grow some backbone. Have, what one woman called, cojones enough to do what you need to do, to make the hard decision, to call each other to excellence. We have reached such a middle ground of mediocrity in our society that we are all dying for lack of knowledge (Hosea 4:6). Do what needs to be done. Call sin what it is and don’t let it go by unchallenged.

Of course, that doesn’t mean we become witch-hunters, or overly demanding. What it does mean is that we call each other to excellence, to a life in Jesus.

More later.

daily java

Daily Java:

O Lord, do good to those who are good,
    whose hearts are in tune with you.
But banish those who turn to crooked ways, O Lord.
    Take them away with those who do evil. (Psalm 125)

It is normal to want those who are against you to do badly. It is a natural part of everybody’s makeup. There is even a big German word for it: Schadenfreude. It means joy at the misfortunes of others.

An example? There is a guy who has constantly bragged about his expensive fancy car. You are both going to the same place and he tells you how comfortable he will be while you tootle along in your old car. On the way, you pass him and he has a flat. How you feel, that is Schadenfreude.

The psalmist, whoever he was, was no different. He wanted good to happen to good people and bad to bad people. It is natural.

There is a plaintive scene in the book of Revelation when from under the altar, the souls of the people of God who have been martyred for the sake of the cross cry out, How long, O Lord? How long before you judge the people who belong to this world and avenge our blood for what they have done to us? (Revelation 6:10)

They wanted that too. it is natural, especially when you see those who are wicked, those who do not have even a vestige of godliness in them prosper. You want to see good people do well and you want to see bad people do badly. It is the way it should be.

But it rarely is. You only have to look casually at Hollywood to see that. Godless and immoral people are wealthy, throwing their money away on garbage while others who are godly are struggling to make ends meet.

Why? I do not know. And no one except God does either. I have heard a hundred, a thousand different answers and the common denominator of them all is that they didn’t know what they were talking about.

So what do we do? It is easy to say that we look toward God, but when we are having such financial and health struggles, it is hard.

But that is exactly what we do. We look to God. He is the author and finisher of our faith, Hebrews says. He is the one who will save us, who will complete us, who will ultimately give us all of the riches of heaven.

For now, we wait. We cry out like the Psalmist and like the souls under the altar for God to work his justice. But we also wait.

We know that one day every knee shall bow and every tongue confess that he is Lord (Philippians 2:10-11). We know it will come. And there will be Schadenfreude., I guess. It is human nature.

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Daily Java:

But as the believers rapidly multiplied, there were rumblings of discontent. The Greek-speaking believers complained about the Hebrew-speaking believers, saying that their widows were being discriminated against in the daily distribution of food. (Acts 6:1)

The early church was going great. People were bring brought to the Lord and baptized. Lots of things were happening, including miracles and healings.

But there was a problem. The conservative side of the church was hogging all of the food set aside for the widows. The progressive side was getting shorted in the “Meals on Wheels” area.

The conservatives were also called the Hebrew-speaking believers. They were conservative and kept all of the old customs, dietary restrictions and dress fashion.

The progressive, or liberal side were more modern in their dress. They shaved their beards and got haircuts and wore Romans style clothing. They were also not as careful not to eat “unclean” food. They had decided that those things were for the Jews, not for the new Christians.

But, as yet, they did not have the political power in the church. The conservatives, which included many of the apostles, were not being fair to them when it came to helping their widows and needy.

So rumblings of discontent came up and began to threaten the unity of the church. Nothing makes things worse in a church than a bunch of unsatisfied people. The church can be torn up if you are not careful.

So the apostles had to deal with it. They were busy teaching the new church things they needed to know to be in Christ and didn’t have time to make sure food went in the right direction.

They had to do something good. So to do so, they chose a committee of mostly liberal members to help make sure things were fair. And it worked fine. Both sides of the early church were happy and unity was restored. One of the men chosen was Stephen who went on to become the first recorded Christian martyr.

Any church, no matter how happy or unified it can be can have trouble. When it does, it has to deal with it right away. If it doesn’t, it can be hurt.

And nothing makes people more unhappy than the idea that they are being ignored, that they are being minimized. Disrespect, whether real or perceived, makes people mad. But on the other hand, the church is not here to make us feel good, but to bring God through us into the world.

In the early church, the apostles were guided by God to do what was necessary to help people find God in their lives. This wasn’t some hare-brained thing or some personal opinion someone came up with. This was a real problem. And God dealt with it through his pastors, the apostles.

We know that everything that happens in a church is not necessarily going to make us happy, but we can know that harmony is possible, if we all agree to do what God said, and not just follow our own opinions.

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Daily Java:

About that time David’s son Adonijah, whose mother was Haggith, began boasting, “I will make myself king.” So he provided himself with chariots and charioteers and recruited fifty men to run in front of him. Now his father, King David, had never disciplined him at any time, even by asking, “Why are you doing that?” Adonijah had been born next after Absalom, and he was very handsome. (1 Kings 1:5-6)

David was king of ancient Israel and he had nothing but trouble all of his life. But one of the main reasons he had trouble was because he was such a lousy father.

Two of his sons turned on him and tried to kill him so they could be king themselves. One of them was his favorite, Absalom. Absalom finally ended up hanging from a tree full of arrows.

The other was Adonijah. He too was a handsome guy. But that stood to reason. The Old Testament said that David himself was handsome and all the girls liked him. Since he was king, that helped, of course. But his kids were also handsome.

Adonijah was his next favorite, but David had made one big mistake when Adonijah was growing up. He never told him no. He never stopped the kid and said why are you acting like this? He just let him go along doing whatever he wanted to do. After a while Adonijah thought he could get away with anything.

He wanted to be king. The only way to do so was to throw David out and take over as king. David was old and David’s other son Solomon was supposed to be king next, but Adonijah didn’t care. He wanted what he wanted and he wanted it right now.

What he got was dead. He ended up being put to death.

A lot of people get in trouble because they were never told no growing up and they think they have the right to do anything they want to do. And we do live in a free country. But that right, that freedom stops when it hurts other people. Adonijah hurt his father and his brother and acted in a way that was against the law.

And he ended up dead.

If you go the way you want to, no matter what anybody else says, you will end up dead. You may not die right now, but a lot of people on death row started by doing things they wanted to do in spite of the fact that it hurt other people.

When Jesus died, he did so knowing that a lot of people were not going to like him or care one way or another. But he put the need to bring us back to God ahead of everything he wanted.

His death meant something great. Adonijah’s death was worthless.

Which life are you living? One that helps or one that hurts? When you die, will it be good that you lived, or worthless? You can decide.

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Daily Java:

But after he had taken the census, David’s conscience began to bother him. And he said to the Lord, “I have sinned greatly by taking this census. Please forgive my guilt, Lord, for doing this foolish thing.” (2 Samuel 24:10)

God punished David for counting all of his people so he could be proud of the great country of which he was king. The Lord had told him to just be king and let him (God) worry about the people.

A few years ago, I decided to count all of the meat I had in my freezer and put a list on the door of everything I had. I did so and realized that, even though I only had a little bit of money, I had a lot of meat.

Back in the 1990’s, we began to feed people. And we found that the more people we fed, the more food we had. I usually (unless it is on super sale) only buy marked down meat. So we had a lot of meat because we fed a lot of people. We were generous, so God was generous to us.

And we fed everybody. We would have at time upwards of 35 people eating with us. I mastered the art of “big, cheap food,” or food with high macaroni or rice content. Spaghetti, chili mac, jambalaya – that sort of thing.

We had decided early on that, even though we may qualify for food stamps, we would not take them. I felt they were a slap in God’s face. It was like saying that he didn’t give me enough so we had to go to the government to get more.

And God blessed us.

Then I took a “census” of all our frozen meat. And we almost ran out. We got down to a pound of hamburger and I had repented what I had done. Then the Lord started giving us meat again.

I never did it again. And we have a freezer that has quite a bit of meat in it. Considering the fact that we have less money now than ever that is a move of God.

And we still feed people. We have found ourselves to be the hospitality arm of the church we attend. We are the only ones in the whole church that has people over for dinner. And we have had a major part of the church over.

Quite frankly, it is hardly ever reciprocated, but that doesn’t really matter. We do it because it is our ministry, not to get people to invite us over.

But we rely on his grace and on his plenitude. He gives and we give. We have no real money to give in the contribution plate, but we give of food and we give of time.

And he blesses us. I know our food supply is not miraculous, but I do know it comes from the Father above.

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Daily Java:

So I sacrifice my life for the sheep. I have other sheep, too, that are not in this sheepfold. I must bring them also. They will listen to my voice, and there will be one flock with one shepherd. (John 10:15-16)

Hard as it is to believe, there are other people in the Kingdom of God than you and other opinions than yours.

We get to thinking that the way we feel, the way we believe, the way we view things is the right way to do it. And we get to thinking that anyone who disagrees with us is wrong. That is somewhat normal, since each one of us lives inside our own minds.

It takes a child a long time to realize that other people have feelings equal to his, that they hurt when you bite them or pinch them, that they have their feelings hurt too. That is hard for a child to realize but it is an essential part of growing up.

People who never realize that fact are mentally ill. They are called psychopaths. Billy the Kid and Charles Manson are two who come to mind. They feel they are the only real people and everybody else is there to do what they want.

People get like that in the church. They feel that theirs is the only real theology or the only real interpretation, and if you do not agree with them, you are sinful and God does not love you.

Several times Jesus said that there were other sheep, other viewpoints, others performing miracles in his name. These were not part of the group normally associated with Jesus and a couple of times, the apostles were ready to stop them. But Jesus said leave them alone. He said: Don’t stop him! Anyone who is not against you is for you (Luke 9:50).

That’s a hard thing, to accept people with different viewpoints. It is hard to realize that others do not see the scripture as you do and have a different opinion. And it is hard to realize that their opinion is as valid as yours.

Churches have been torn up by this. But when it comes down to it, people look at different things in different ways all the time. How many flavors of ice cream are there? Or styles of clothing? Or styles of music? Or kinds of cars? You can’t even get people to agree on how their steak is done. It is weird to think that we would all look at the word of God exactly the same way.

Just because people disagree with you doesn’t matter. What matters is what the apostle Paul said in Romans 10:9: If you confess with your mouth that Jesus is Lord and believe in your heart that God raised him from the dead, you will be saved.

After all, he also says in 1 Corinthians 12:3: So I want you to know that no one speaking by the Spirit of God will curse Jesus, and no one can say Jesus is Lord, except by the Holy Spirit.

The devil cannot glorify God no matter what else he may try to do. And if someone proclaims Jesus as Lord and works to that end, even if he disagrees with you, he is still among Jesus’ sheep. And you accept him, just like Jesus told his apostles to do.

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Daily Java:

Later, Jesus appeared again to the disciples beside the Sea of Galilee. This is how it happened. Several of the disciples were there—Simon Peter, Thomas (nicknamed the Twin), Nathanael from Cana in Galilee, the sons of Zebedee, and two other disciples. Simon Peter said, “I’m going fishing.” “We’ll come, too,” they all said. (John 21:1-3)

Jesus had died and had come back from the dead. He had spoken to the apostles and done some other things. But the apostles were at loose ends. What do they do now? For three years or more they had walked around with Jesus and had a rather exciting time. Now they weren’t really doing anything.

Before long, the Spirit would come on them and they would understand all this stuff, but for now they just did not know what to do.

So Peter does what he knows. He goes fishing. The rest of the apostles were kind of used to hanging around together and thought, Well, we are doing anything else. So they went too.

Sometimes you do not know what to do. You are through with something really important and you are at loose ends. So you do what you are used to.

There are times when that is good. Peter probably enjoyed fishing and to the rest of the apostles, it was different and interesting. they had always done other things and fishing seemed a good way to pass time until something better came.

But there are also times when it is isn’t a good idea. People who have gotten in trouble with their friends and maybe even have gone to jail don’t need to go back and do the familiar things. They come to a point where they are bored or again, at loose ends, and they start doing some of the same things that got them into jail or trouble in the first place.

Later on in this passage, Jesus tells Peter that fishing is not what he is meant to do. He tells Peter that teaching is going to be his life. Feeding God’s sheep will be Peter’s life. Peter has moved in his life from manual labor to something greater.

Not that there is anything wrong with fishing, but Peter and the rest of the apostles are not cut for that. They are made to teach and preach and serve God in a totally different way than they did before. Others will fish. Peter will spend the rest of his life feeding the sheep of God, teaching the church about the grace and power of Jesus.

You were not made to do stuff. You were made to serve Jesus. You might serve him in the working of your occupation, but ultimately, you are a servant of God. That is what he wants you to do.