If anyone is never at fault in what he says, he is a perfect man, able to keep his whole body in check. (James 3:2)
I have always had a big mouth. It got me in trouble a lot when I was young and seems occasionally to come back to haunt me.
It is not because of malice, but because of what comes out as a temporary lack of discernment.
It has been this way for a long time. Just about the time I think it is getting better it comes back to bite me.
It usually takes the form of a smart remark or a silly comment that I will make. I will never mean any offense, but it still comes out. And it comes out unbidden.
I hate it. It is born of a basic insecurity and the seeming need to be smart. It would be nice if sooner or later I could shut up when it is called for.
When I was younger, in high school in fact, I remember a girl who I was hanging around with. I really like her. Someone older, an older lady or someone like that, made a comment that she thought I was a handsome young man or some such comment.
I turned to the girl and said something to the effect of Ha, told you so. That did not go over well with the girl. And we were through.
That happened to me a lot because of the fact that my mouth would not obey me. There were times when I was younger that it was only the fact that I am as big as I am that saved my bacon.
It carried over into my adulthood and I have only been able to overcome it to some degree within the past few years. It has been a life-long battle.
I have gained the ability to listen to people for long periods of time and not say a word. I get to thinking that I have it licked. But then my mouth will take over and Wham.
Just the other day, I was talking with a new friend over Facebook and made a smart comment at an inappropriate time. It was totally unrelated to what he was saying, but it looked like it was. I was being cute in a self-deprecating way, but it looked like I insulted him. Part of that was the lag time Facebook has in posts, but part was my own silliness. And there was no recall.
I think it cooled what could have been a good friendship. I tried to explain it but of course, it was too late.
Father, forgive me my mouth, and give me discernment, and the ability to just be quiet.
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