do i look fat in this dress?

There is a funny commercial that, when appealing to the insurance company’s veracity, asks, “Did Abraham Lincoln tell the truth?”

His wife, Mary, is asking him if the dress makes her look fat. He stands there with a cup of coffee or something in his hand and finally holds up two fingers in a “just a little bit” gesture. She stomps off.

Since he is Honest Abe, he has to tell the truth, but he doesn’t want to accept the consequences of doing so. It is a funny commercial.

But, oh, the pain of telling the truth to a woman who asks you if her clothes make her look fat.

My wife, Ella, and I have always been truthful to each other. It is better that way. Not that we go around bludgeoning each other with the truth, or anything like that. But I have always told her the truth.

Telling her the truth includes telling her when her clothes are not flattering.

It is absolute foolishness to tell her otherwise. If you don’t, she buys something that she has not had an honest opinion on, wears it out in public and looks stupid. This is in addition to wasting the money on the purchase.

I do not do it in an ugly way, of course. I dearly love this woman and want her to look good.

And for some reason, I am the one who buys her clothes. I know what looks good on her and I am a bit more adventurous than she is, I guess. If left to her own devices, she would wear the same thing forever.

I still remember the first longer skirt I bought her. It came all the way down to the middle of her knees. This was about 1975, or so, and she had always worn short skirts. I bought her a medium blue skirt in the newer longer length, along with a blue patterned shirt. When she put it on, she said, I feel dowdy.

I told her that she certainly didn’t look dowdy, she looked fashionable. She, however, was not one to change her fashion easily. She had even worn short smock tops for a long time for fear of looking “matronly”, as she put it.

She wore it to church that night (I was in seminary) and her friends told her that it looked great on her. Which it did, a totally new look.

There were other times when she would put something on and ask, how do I look, and I would say, quite bluntly, no. It doesn’t look good on you.

Sometimes sales people would be taken aback at my honesty. One would even say on occasion, but she likes it. I would answer, she may, but it would be a waste of money to buy something that doesn’t look good.

Of course, that meant that they may lose a sale and that didn’t go well. Sales people are not honest many times because they want to sell something.

The first time I ever noticed the honesty thing was when I was in my early 20’s. Ella was trying on some clothes and I was sitting waiting for her, as I do often. A teenaged girl was buying a formal for a dance or something.

When she came out of the dressing room to show her mother, she passed by me. I was in my early 20’s, so not that far away. She kind of glanced down at me as she passed, and I, ever so slightly shook my head. Her mother made appropriate remarks, the girl came back to the dressing room. She passed by a second time in another dress, and I, again very slightly, nodded my head I approval.

The third time, I just kind of made a small frown at the dress, and her mother exclaimed over it.

Which one did she buy? The one I nodded at. It was the best one. But it dawned on me that women want to look good, and need someone, preferably a man, with the guts to say whether or not they do. I did not know the girl and have never seen her again in my life, but I gave her an honest opinion and she took it.

People don’t always do so. But my wife knows that I will be honest, and does.