That is why the LORD says, “Turn to me now, while there is time. Give me your hearts. Come with fasting, weeping, and mourning. (Joel 2:12)This is day of my fast. I still am not sure how long I plan to go but I am on a water only fast. Unless you count my medications, of course. I still take them.
Yesterday was a hard day with all of the recriminations and such that come typically on my first day. Today I hope will be more of introspection.
I do feel a bit light headed today as I have had no nutrition at all, usually I drink other things while I do this but this time I am not. I have gone a week with just water in the past, but I was also healthier in the past, so it wasn’t as hard.
There is an odd euphoria that comes from fasting. I feel a bit of it today. In 1997 when I was on the thirty day fast, it got quite strong.
But for now I am seeking the Lord. It seems that he has deserted us. and you can give me all of the goofball stuff I hear all the time about God never leaving you, but at the same time, he seems to have left us. Ella is getting worse and even fell the other day, hurting her knee quite badly.
He has left us jobless and penniless and me in the midst of the deepest depression, the likes of which I never knew existed.
I need to hear him and to know that he has not left us. surely he has not thrown us away.
Dear Lord, I call on you and ask that you hear me. Answer the fears I have, replace them with the knowledge of your presence. We need you so badly. Amen.
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