Once I was young, and now I am old. Yet I have never seen the godly abandoned or their children begging for bread. (Psalm 37:25)Growing older gives a certain perspective on life. And it is not always one you want.
I do not like looking back over stuff in my life that was not good. We were having dinner tonight and I mentioned that Ella had things happen to her in the name of God that were almost unbelievable. The lady having dinner with us really didn’t know what to say so I went on.
But it is true. And while the Bible is true and truly written, at the same time it is not always totally accurate.
I have seen the godly abandoned. I am godly and I know for a fact that my wife is, yet we have been abandoned. We even spent four days living in our van with our furniture in storage. We washed up in service station washrooms and ate from various places. It was not that we were totally broke, it was just that we did not have enough for a place to stay and no one cared enough to help us.
The church I was pastoring threw us out with just a month to prepare. It was not enough.
We have been and are currently just about destitute. I cannot find a job and the Lord seems to thrown us aside financially. I do more work in some ways for free for the church here than I did in my last pastorate in a church that did not want me. but I get no money for it and if it were not for government housing, we would be in a world of hurt.
When I was young, I truly believed that if I gave my life to the Lord, he would reward me by taking care of me. it was not true.
It is true that we have never lacked for food. and the more we feed others, the more we have people over for meals, the more food we have. Right now, we have a full freezer of stuff.
But we have no money for anything else. I found out Ella was waiting until she got her Social Security check to go to the doctor for something that was causing her pain. If I had known, I would have sold something or something to get it for her.
We drive a car that is sheer luck in many ways and I am grateful for it. But it is old and I will not be able to fix it or get another.
I wear clothes that are worn out or do not fit. I am tired of being this way.
I liked being young better. When I was young, I was stupid and was happier. Now I am older, I know better and I hate it.
Where is the care God should give us? I do not want to be given anything, yet I have been forced into a situation in which I am jobless and living off my wife’s SS check.
I used to believe that verse.
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