Jesus responded, “Do wedding guests fast while celebrating with the groom? Of course not. But someday the groom will be taken away from them, and then they will fast.” (Luke 5:34-36)I am embarking on a fast. I am not sure how long it will be but I am thinking three days. I intend to make it a complete fast with only water.
The reason is that I no longer feel the presence of God in my life.
I am beginning to wonder if he is through with me, if he has deserted me. I know, the Bible says he will not do that, but at the same time, we are living in poverty, my wife is struggling with her illness, I can find no job and my ministry seems to be dead. If that is not an indication of God leaving me, I would hate to see what one would look like.
I do not fast well. I used to. There were times when I fasted a lot and frequently. Then I went on that 30 day fast in April of 1997. From then on, it has been hard to do so.
I fasted last year for the first 21 days of February and that was physically very hard on me. not only that, it ended with the death of my father and that was all. My work in Lincoln died and with it my association with the Foursquare Church. I have no further use for them and it seems, they have no further use for me. I was ordained with great pomp and circumstance in October and thrown out in July.
So now I have to figure out what to do. I am poison to the Church of Christ for having left and I do not really want to go back into that group anyway. I don’t know about the Christian Church yet but am going to try to look into it. It is the most balanced of the denominations in many ways. They have their holes, but we all do.
I wait for the Lord.
I do not think anybody really reads this blog. For the most part it is self-amusement. But I am going to keep a journal of the fast in here.
Hear me, Lord. Answer me. set me free from this prisons so that I may praise your name. show me your way or at least show me your face. Amen.
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