Let your wife be a fountain of blessing for you. Rejoice in the wife of your youth. (Proverbs 5:18)When you are married for as long as we have been, lust is a choice you make.
I was reading an article the other day about how to keep lust alive in a marriage. Love in many ways is easy. You get to feel real affection for each other and you have been through a lot together. If you work it right, that breeds a lot of love.
But lust. How is it that a couple that has been married for 41 years can still feel lust for each other.
It is something to consider. Neither my wife nor I look like we did 41 years ago when first got married. I was 185 pounds, in the army and could do a lot of pushups and situps. I walked a lot and was in great shape. For the most part, so was she. She wore a size 10 or 12 dress and looked pretty good. Our wedding night and subsequent nights were fun.
The physical side of our relationship was good for several years just off momentum.
But there comes a time when you start getting older. You gain weight and stuff falls that needs to stay up. Lovemaking gets harder. Someone once wrote, “Sex after 60 is like shooting pool with a rope.” And it is true.
You can go the medical route and that helps some. Since the boomers want to keep having sex, a lot of pills have been developed that helps them, but they are expensive. And some you can’t take a lot.
Not only that, though, but you can take all of the libido-accentuating pills in the world, and there is still the problem that you are trying to desire someone that is the same age you are. You are back to the same problem you started with. How do you keep lust alive with a marriage partner of many years.
I think my wife and I do a good job. I like her and she likes me. we are committed to each other and decided to spend our sexual lives with each other only. There is no avenue outside of her that I can take. So I need to find her appealing or I am stuck.
I had a teacher in seminary that told us that if our wives cut us off at the sex pump, then we were stuck. If we believe in the Bible, there is no other way to have sex except with her. So what we needed to do was to be nice to her and learn to love her and treat her well. That way she would return the gesture.
And that is true. Part of our keeping lust alive is being nice to each other, being polite. And we have decided that we are it as far as sex goes. When that is the case, you find ways to make it enjoyable and find ways to want it.
Porn is of course, no option. It is demeaning and debasing to both partners and there is no way either of you look like the people in those things so in many ways it is self-defeating. Besides, if it takes that to get you excited then you are not really making love to your wife. You are only using her as a stand-in and you are committing adultery. You are with your mind anyway when you look at porn.
I decided at some time in the past that I liked my wife. And I like what she does with me. she is inventive in sex and loves me absolutely. So what do I want? Would I like it if she were younger and more beautiful? I guess I would force myself to do so. But then the problem comes that I am still the same guy, and maybe she wishes I was younger and more handsome.
She is my wife, I am her husband. When we make love, we are making love not just to each other, but to a history of 41 years together. we were virgins on our wedding night and we make love to a history. We decided to like each other.
Sounds too simple, but it is true.
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