it is ten o’clock at night and i have just fallen down

It is ten o’clock at night and I have just fallen down.

It was a rather shocking fall that scared the daylights (except that it was night time) out of my daughter.

Her husband has an antique dog (16 years old) that is somewhat incontinent so she has begun putting her in the kitchen at night. Tonight she had the idea of putting the table leaf (a plain piece of plywood I fixed to extend her dining table) over the door.

The dog is old and infirm enough that she would not be able to jump over it, even though it is only 12 inches high.

For that matter the dog is less than 12 inches high so it works well.

The problem is, although I watched her put it there and we talked about it, it is the same color as the floor.

I walked into the kitchen with a couple of foam plates and tripped over it. I landed smack on my bad knee (the right one which is swollen most of the time anyway) and scraped the fire out of my left shin. Not only that but I hit the floor whack on my chest (alright, my stomach hit first. Are you happy?) and on my right palm, the same way I used to land the few times I fell off the motorcycle.

It was so quick. One moment I was standing and walking, a relatively normal and handsome, talented, erudite person, the next instant I was on my chest and in pain. It happened so fast I didn’t even know it had until after it did.

My daughter was shocked. She kept apologizing. She said, You saw me put it there, Dad. I am so sorry.

I levered myself up off the floor and told her it was not her fault, I had helped her put the stupid thing there myself.

But it was so fast. And since I am well over six feet tall and weigh 280 pounds, I fall far and land hard. It is one reason I never got into skating. Little people have no problem falling. They just kind of go down. I fall like a pine tree. Boom!

It made me think about the old people I have known who were living perfectly good and normal lives and then fell. In the two or three seconds it took them to fall, their lives were through. They broke a hip or shoulder or something and, due to their advanced age, never recovered.

It was not long before they were in nursing homes, and died soon after that.

It is becoming noticeable to me that I am getting older. That is the second time in less than a month that I have fallen. And there were two other times when I thought I was going to fall but didn’t.

That does not please me, since I do not like falling. It hurts. I have been fortunate in my life in that my bones and teeth are made of iron. I have never broken anything even though I have had some major whacks. My teeth have chipped a couple of places from using them as pliers as a young man but in general I do not even have any cavities.

But I suppose that could stop. Ella falls a lot and I worry for her. She has developed a grace in falling that comes from a lot of practice. When she feels herself falling, she goes limp and lands in a loose flop. Then if necessary, she will pull her skirt down.

I do not think I have ever seen anyone fall more gracefully than she does.

But she has had to. I have not. I have bulled my way through life on sheer strength and personal presence. Nobody much argues with a guy my size. I just move forward and life moves out of the way.

But a guy my size hits the floor hard. It is absolutely true the old saying: the bigger they are, the harder they fall.

And I hate it.

Well, a few extra Hydrocodones tonight. I am going to wake up so sore tomorrow. What a clumsy guy I am becoming.

Someone once said (actually my mother) that getting old is not for sissies. And they were right.