You don’t let me sleep.I am reading the Psalms right now in my daily Bible reading. They vacillate between joy and depression. Right now, I seem to be in the midst of a group of depression Psalms. With my current situation, that doesn’t help any.
I am too distressed even to pray! (Psalm 77:4)
But I have come awake too early. It is 5:30 and I am not a morning person. However, it is too bad a I am going to lie there awake if I stay in bed and that is no fun either. So I might as well get up and come in and do something profitable.
Today I leave Lincoln and the ministry. I never thought this day would come but it seems that it has. Someone was telling me yesterday of a relative who was still preaching at 85. I figured I would be. But it is not to be.
The truck is almost completely loaded. I still have to put on the mattress and box springs we slept on last night. That is going to be hard by myself, but since I have had a dearth of helpers, I suppose I will.
And I wait. I believe in God and in his power. I also believe that he is in control. The possibility
of him not being is just too bleak to consider. I have served him all my life, sometimes well and sometimes not. But I have always loved him.
I do not believe that there is a purpose for everything. Some things are just too bad. There is no purpose in a baby contracting AIDS, or horrible car crashes that kill children, or rape squads in Muslim countries, the events of 9/11.
However, I do believe Romans 8:28 when the apostle Paul says: And we know that God causes everything to work together for the good of those who love God and are called according to his purpose for them. I believe he can take the bad and turn it to good in our lives.
I wait for that now. I plan to go back to school and learn something new. Web design interests me and goes along with my desire to go into full time writing too. I think I will pursue those interests.
We will get an apartment, and just live quietly. I will be involved in church but in no leadership capacity. I will also take care of Ella to he best of my ability. She needs me now more than every before.
Life will go on. And I praise his name, even when I am too distressed to pray.
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