My heart is in anguish within me;I am late today. I had an extreme disappointment yesterday and it colored my entire day today. I am given to depression anyway, but things like this really exacerbate the problem.
the terrors of death have fallen on me.
Fear and trembling have beset me;
horror has overwhelmed me.
I said, “Oh, that I had the wings of a dove!
I would fly away and be at rest.
I would flee far away
and stay in the desert;
I would hurry to my place of shelter." (Psalm 55:4-8)
It was something someone told me that I view as a betrayal.
It is hard to overlook a betrayal, a negation of your work as a minister of God. It goes deep inside you and sits, tearing you up.
And what you want to do is run away. Of course, I guess in one way I am already, leaving here and going to Missouri as we are. But what you would like to do is just sit in a small place for a while and just do nothing. Maybe drink some coffee, but I could probably even do without that.
It hurts Ella too and that makes it worse.
But you know what I can do about it. Nothing. Nada. Zilch. Zero. And what is more is that it is none of my concern, except for the fact that it hurt us.
As the song says, I will survive. And one day happiness will come in again.
Be nice if it was soon.
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