I trust that my life will bring honor to Christ, whether I live or die. For to me, living means living for Christ, and dying is even better. But if I live, I can do more fruitful work for Christ. So I really don’t know which is better. I’m torn between two desires: I long to go and be with Christ, which would be far better for me. But for your sakes, it is better that I continue to live. (Philippians 1:20-24)I have come to the point in my life that I am ready to go. Dying looks more and more appealing to me as I get older. It is not a desire for suicide, but just a desire to be finished.
I suppose that it is a combination of things in my life, but I am ready for God to take me. And if it were not for the fact that my wife would be left alone, I would like it soon.
The apostle Paul felt this same way. He had gone through so much hassle in his life that he was ready to be through.
He had been persecuted, beaten, opposed everywhere he went, almost died at times and he would like to have been through.
Yet he knew that the church needed him. He was, after all, one of the apostles who would teach the Gentiles, who would bring the grace and message of God to the part of the world that many of the first century preachers wouldn’t touch.
He knew his life was important to the cause of Jesus. But at the same time he was tired.
Tiredness has stopped more people than anything else. That works especially when tiredness is combined with discouragement. The combination is hard to stand up under.
I have always wondered how Jesus would have been different if he had gone for longer than three years in his ministry. Three years is not that long. As a pastor of almost forty years, three years is just a moment. It really is hard to get very discouraged in just three years.
Of course, he was so active in those three years that it was almost like flaming out. Like many people who die young from the flameout character of their lives, Jesus couldn’t last long.
He made people mad enough in just three years to want to kill him, there really is no way that he could have lasted for much longer.
Long term discouragement is the one thing he could to have suffered. He had friends turn on him, try to use him, do stupid things to him – all these are things that happen to ministers on a regular basis. But he never had time to really get discouraged.
He even knew fear, real gut wrenching fear. You can see that in the Garden of Gethsemane when he asked God if there was any way he could not have to go through what he knew was coming.
He knew loneliness, desertion, deprivation – but never discouragement or despair. One could argue that if Jesus didn’t feel them, they are not valid emotions. But people who make such assertions usually do not know what they are talking about.
Discouragement is why most pastors quit. It brings depression, it brings a sense of futility, it works its way under the skin until it has taken over your whole life.
But there comes a point in each minister’s life when he says that he is ready. Come, Lord Jesus.
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