a love/hate relationship with my hair

And the very hairs on your head are all numbered. (Matthew 10:30)

I have always had a love/hate relationship with my hair.

That sounds silly, but it has never done what I wanted it to do.

When I was younger, I wanted it to go like what I perceived as the beach boy look. That was where the hair kind of went over straight over your forehead. I did everything I could do to get it to do that. The closest I got was at camp when I was twelve or so and hadn’t washed my hair for a whole week. It was so stiff, it pretty much did what I told it. Of course, it was grotesque, but still. What price glory.

When I got into high school, it developed a little wave on the front. It would come over straight and then dip down. I worked trying to get rid of that. One day, someone asked me how long it took to get that curl and it made me angry. They didn’t know how I tried to get rid of it.

After a bit, I realized that the waviness of my hair could look good. I found out that Michael Nesmith and I had very similar hair and he didn’t seem to mind. Of course, what I wanted then was straight hair, as hippie hair was more straight.

I found out about that time that my hair would go into an Afro if I didn’t comb it after washing it. I liked that. But I still fought it.

So I went and got it straightened about 1972 or so. It fell great onto my forehead until about a day later when the front abruptly bent at an odd angle. So I cut it as bangs (popular at the time among some of the rock singers), but it was not the look I wanted.

I went off and on for several years until finally I decided that it was going to do what it was going to do whatever I wanted. I grew it long and I cut it short.

Finally about 1980, I decided to get it straightened again. I made the mistake of going to a beauty college to have it done. When the girl got through, it was a mass of small curls. That was a popular look at the time – the end of the processed disco era – but it was not what I had gone in for. In fact, the girl who did it started crying when it was revealed that it had done the absolute opposite of what I had gone in for.

I kept it for a week, then had it straightened again. It was awful.

About that time, hair started getting shorter again. I finally came to grips with it.

I have worn it cut off in a burr for the past few years with occasional forays with longer. But mostly a pretty close burr. As I lost my hair, I did what most guys did, I accented my beard.

I had always had a beard from the time I got out of the army, but now I got the new look, what someone called the new toupee: super short hair with a goatee. Guys did that so that people would not think they were balding.

I decided the other day to grow it out again. Now the back sticks up from lying on it at night. I do not know why it does right now, but it does. So I am back to fighting it, trying to get it to lie down again.

I suppose I could shave it again, but that would be admitting failure. I want it to be longer and I want it to lie down. I do not want a cowlick.

One interesting thing though. Not long ago, I was combing my hair (it was quite short) and over the balding area at the front was my little front curl. Small, yes, almost vestigial as it is a couple of inches higher than last time I saw it, but there nonetheless.

I kept it that day and showed it to Ella.