daily java

Daily Java:

I am innocent,
    but it makes no difference to me—
    I despise my life.
Innocent or wicked, it is all the same to God.
    That’s why I say, ‘He destroys both the blameless and the wicked.’
When a plague sweeps through,
    he laughs at the death of the innocent.
The whole earth is in the hands of the wicked,
    and God blinds the eyes of the judges.
    If he’s not the one who does it, who is? (Job 9:21-24)

I am disgusted with my life.
    Let me complain freely.
    My bitter soul must complain.
I will say to God, ‘Don’t simply condemn me—
    tell me the charge you are bringing against me.
What do you gain by oppressing me?
    Why do you reject me, the work of your own hands,
    while smiling on the schemes of the wicked? (Job 10:1-3)

Reading the Book of Job again. I really hate reading this book. But it is in the daily Bible reading rotation so I do. It resonates pretty deeply in my own life. Beating myself to death for the Kingdom of God and God still allows all these things to happen to me.

I am so depressed right now. And it has spread to Ella, usually an upbeat person, quick with a smile. We sit all day, trapped by economics in our home, unable to afford gas to go anywhere.

As Job is, I am disgusted with my life, but there is no one to complain to except Ella and she doesn’t need to hear it. My prayers go to the ceiling and stop.

And then some moron says, Maybe your heart isn’t in the right place. Or Maybe you aren’t asking the right way.

As if I would force my children to phrase things exactly when they requested things from me or I would ignore them.

He doesn’t hear because he doesn’t desire to hear. He is busy elsewhere. My lifetime of service gives me nothing in his sight. I surely wish I had done something else with my life, something that gave me some retirement and a sense of accomplishment.