daily java

Daily Java:

You must pay close attention to what they wrote, for their words are like a lamp shining in a dark place — until the Day dawns, and Christ the Morning Star shines in your hearts. (2 Peter 1:19)

There is a dark place inside me and it called cancer.

It is kind of interesting (in a sense that I would like to be a psychologist studying someone in these circumstances) the way I feel about it.

I decided when I was diagnosed with this esophageal cancer that I refused to let the cancer own me. I told my church and I have told others, especially over Facebook, that I had a peace and a  calm about it that surprised me. I always felt that would happen, but this is the first time that I got the chance to put it to into actual practice.

Yes, I have the cancer. Yes, if the treatment goes wrong I will die. Yes, it is extremely painful. Yes – other stuff. You know what I mean.

So I go on living, ministering, helping, doing all the things I need to do as a gospel preacher and minister of the word. So I kind of bury it underneath all the other emotions and feelings, and I just don’t pay any real attention to it.

Except that I do. Underneath all the regular living stuff, all the ministering and things, there is that dark place. And you can hear the dark place thrum, a soft, low, almost inaudible sound that says: “You have cancer and you are dying.” Soft, yet enormously authoritative.

It is like a constant, low, soft, but very real thrumming noise. It is like when you live near something that runs a machine all the time. After a while you do not really hear it, but every once in a while, it is made apparent. And if you pay attention to it, it will drive you crazy.

And it would not be hard at all for that voice to begin getting louder and more demanding. All of the things I usually think about will be there but the dark place will no longer be on bottom. It will begin to creep closer and closer to the surface. Sooner or later, it becomes one of the dominant themes of my life.

So I cannot let it. And if all I had was my life, I couldn’t deny it. It would be impossible. My life would be my number one priority.

But my life is not my number one priority. That lamp is. God is, and his kingdom and the things of the work he gives me are. And I do his will to the best of my ability. However, I cannot if that dark place becomes dominant.

So what do I do? I decided to let God have control and to remember his grace, not my own death, his number one priority. His presence, his grace, his love is that lamp shining in a dark place. That lamp, when turned on and given free rein in my life will kill that dark place. After all, the darkness of satan cannot live in the light of the wonderful grace of Jesus.

You have one, too, a dark place that threatens to overwhelm you. The key is to allow him to live in you, to shine out that unwelcome darkness.

Try it and see what happens when the light of God destroys the darkness.