I was always big

The bed you have made is too short to lie on.
    The blankets are too narrow to cover you. (Isaiah 28:20)

I was always big. And the funny thing is that I did not realize it until I was older. I realize now that people were always leery of me, and some were afraid of me, but I don’t think I knew why.

I have always had an inferiority complex. I have never felt like I was worth much. And I always felt inferior to most people. That kind of translated to shorter, I guess. I never felt all that powerful or that strong, even though I was.

Looking back, I knew that beds were too little, that I had trouble finding shirts long enough, all that. But I just never put it into my knowledge that I was so much larger than everyone else.

I also knew that little guys hated me. I just never realized why.

I suppose that is a good thing. I may have turned into a bully or one who used his size to a bad advantage.

As I get older I realize how much larger I am than others. And it really all came to my mind one day in 1993 when I was taking a friend somewhere in my car. I had a 1986 Chevette, a pretty small car. My friend was about an inch or two taller than I was. I commented that he looked stupid in my car. He responded, how do you think you look?

I had never considered it. Ever. It had just never dawned on me that I was always the tallest, the biggest, the strongest – all that. Maybe once or twice in my whole life.

But when I stand next to guys my size in WalMart or somewhere else, it reminds me that I am a significant sized guy.

Not that I am going to do anything about it at this late date. But I have to admit, if I had such a tough time with an inferiority complex at 6’3” and 250 pounds, what would I have been like at smaller?