daily java

Daily Java:

It’s better to live alone in the corner of an attic than with a quarrelsome wife in a lovely home. (Proverbs 21:9)

My wife and I get along well. We rarely have any real arguments and they never become large ones. It makes for a perspective in our home that makes it hard to understand other ones.

I have known people who were constantly arguing with their wives. There was always anger. They lived with it, slept with it, ate with it, raised their kids up in it. And I really cannot imagine it.

I have been in a couple of situations where I could begin to see it at times in my life with relationships and friendships with other people, but I have always known it would not touch my life.

And it hasn’t.

For one thing, my wife is extremely agreeable and loves me strongly. She has spent her life trying to make me happy and doing things for me. she is and has always been a homemaker and has made my home. She is that kind of person, the kind that will do almost anything to make my life easier and happier.

In fact, there were times in our past that I had to tell her that I married her, not the house. Yes, I like the home, but when she wore herself out trying to micromanage the home. It was counterproductive to her health.

Now that she is unable to do the things she used to do, many of them I have had to take over. And, of course, the physical part of the home is not as important to me as it was to her. I do not keep everything dusted like she did, or the floors mopped or whatever.

But even so, we still have a good home.

I have told her in the past that I have known men who would kill to have such a home. They have tried and tried and have never had such a thing: a happy home where they can go and just sit, a wife who pampers them and loves them, where it is an easy and restful atmosphere.

And I just happened to get it. What a blessed man I am.

daily java

Daily Java:

Let your wife be a fountain of blessing for you. Rejoice in the wife of your youth. (Proverbs 5:18)

Ella had her birthday this past week. It was the annual observance of her 39th birthday. We hold the  observance (obviously since it is called annual) every year. And every year it surprises me.

When I was a young preacher, I went to visit with an old couple. He was still in command of most of his faculties, but she was obviously mentally out of the loop. She was deep in the throes of what we called at the time senility, but probably what we would call Alzheimer’s today.

He and I were sitting in the living room talking. She was just sitting staring. She was obviously gone mentally. But as we talked, he looked at her and mentioned the fact that to him she looked the same. They had been married a long time and she didn’t look all that different to him.

My thought was that the old geezer had slipped several cogs. She was a drooling old woman sitting staring vacantly at the coffee table. I was, you remember, a 26 year old young man, with little or no perspective of my own.

Ella is having problems in her life. She has trouble doing many of the things she used to do so easily. She has also had several celebrations of her 39th birthday by now. She has to ride a scooter and takes about 7/8ths of a pound of drugs a day to deal with the constant pain brought on by her MS.

Yet – and here is the amazing revelation that I have almost forty years later – when I look at her, I do not really notice that. It is not that I sit and stare at an older woman all day thinking, boy howdy, she has changed. The change has been so gradual that I only notice it once in a while, usually when I look at an older picture. She really does not look all that different to me.

I will have to admit, she has changed physically less than many women I have known. I know. General stuff has changed, but she still has the same quality of look that she has always had. I still remember the 17 year old girl in the bowling alley after the big youth rally in Houston. I still remember the girl I proposed to. I still remember our wedding day. I still remember all of the stuff that came since.

When I look at her, I do not see her with the eyes of today, but with the eyes of an almost 42 year old marriage. I have known her since 1969 and since we have gotten married, have seen her every day. I have kissed her over 50,000 times, probably more. We have been through so much.

But we went through it all in a day by day relationship. It is not like we only see each other once a week or once a month. It still amazes me to see my Facebook friends I went to high school with. There was a forty year gap from the last time I saw them and they are different. I would not have recognized them if I had met them on the street.

But I have to admit that Ella has changed less than many I know. Her basic quality was always sweet and still is. She has shifted in size and stuff in the past forty some odd years, but who hasn’t? She still looks the same to me.

And I am glad. I would hate to look at a woman every day and think, wow, she has gotten old. Of course, she would be thinking the same thing about me. I am not the tall, strong, vibrant guy I was either. In fact, in spite of her illness, she has worn a lot better than I have.

I just want to sit with her on the couch while a self-important little preacher comes to see me and to tell him the same thing. She looks the same to me.

i love my wife

O Lord, listen to my cry;
    give me the discerning mind you promised.
Listen to my prayer;
    rescue me as you promised.
Let praise flow from my lips,
    for you have taught me your decrees. (Psalm 119:169-171)

I have been with my wife for almost 42 years and they, for the most part, have been good ones. She is a good woman who wants nothing but to make me happy. Her whole life has been ordered to making me happy.

And sometimes it amazes me that someone would devote her whole life to the making of her husband’s life happy.

Then I look at her and she is good. She is pure and holy and seemingly sinless. She is the kind of person that everybody likes and that people tend to gravitate towards.

And she is better than I am. I am a sinful person, one who is self-absorbed, one who tends to wallow in myself. She isn’t. she is one who is self-sacrificing and loving and good.

I am grateful for her. Without her in my life, it would be worthless. It would be meaningless. She give s a purpose to me and to my life that I really cannot fully articulate.

And I love her. It is hard to imagine what I would do without her. The picture of a bitter old man comes to mind. One who cannot be happy.

But she makes me happy. And I am glad.

finding my wife

Then the LORD God made a woman from the rib, and he brought her to the man. “At last!” the man exclaimed.  (Genesis 2:22-23)

It was April 6, 1969, Easter morning, when I came to the Sun Valley Church of Christ and found my wife.

We had seen each other three times before and the third time we just didn’t click. But I gave it one more chance.

I had gotten a job with the Telephone Company and moved to Houston, TX, and gotten an apartment. I moved on Friday since at that time the Telephone Company employees (as were most companies) were off on Good Friday. I hung around town on Saturday, and then decided to give her one more chance.

I was extremely early that Sunday, as I usually am and always have been. I sat around for an hour before anyone else showed up. Her family was the first.

She got out of the car and was wearing a delft blue dress (white with a soft blue pattern). I was wearing my usual church clothes: black pants, white shirt, tie and a black and white checked sport coat. Mr Cool.

She was surprised to see me. I am not sure she knew for sure that I really was planning to move there or if that was just a line.

That night, I picked her up to go with me to church. Before church, we went and got ice cream at Baskin Robbins 31 Flavors. She was wearing a pink dress with pearlescent hose. The dress was kind of short and rode up when she got out of the car. She was embarrassed. I looked.

We hit it off great. In fact, I had supper at her house that next Thursday night (I ended up eating there almost every night). And our first date was the next week – on a weeknight! – when we went to Piccadilly Cafeteria for supper. Her friends were astounded, her parents were perplexed. She had always been such a shy girl and now dates on a school night. Fortunately she was an honor student so her grades were no problem.

Our first real date was to the Jr-Sr Prom alternative the Houston area Churches of Christ had each year. It was a formal affair. I wore a white dinner jacket (like the one James Bond wore), she had a yellow formal with long white gloves.

One of my favorite pictures is me trying to pin her corsage to her dress. I had never done that and hadn’t a clue how. We finally made it.

It was an all night affair, a formal dinner at a fancy hotel ballroom to begin with followed by bowling and then with a movie – Funny Girl.

The night ended with breakfast at a church about 6 in the morning. I went to sleep driving on the way home and we almost crashed. We stopped at a Dot Coffee Shop for a break.

As many things do in life, it seems so short ago. But it was forty-three years ago this April.

Life goes so fast. We dated, I got drafted into the army, I came home and we got married and lived for six months in Germany, we came home. I worked a few jobs then went to seminary and started preaching. The children were born, grew up and got married themselves. My hair has turned gray, hers is going.

And I still look when her dress comes up.

The Lord God made her for me and when I saw her, I said “At last.”

i love my wife, part 974

Drink water from your own well—share your love only with your wife. (Proverbs 5:15)

It is the time of week that I eulogize my wife.

I have always wondered what this failed man did to deserve a woman who loves him more unequivocally that she does me.

It doesn’t seem to matter what I do, she still loves me.

I could ask for little more in life that a woman who loves me the way she loves me.

I am so glad she is my wife. She is so beautiful. And so loving. And so simple in her desire to make me happy.

I count it honor to take care of her as she progresses in her MS.

my wife is so fine

Didn’t the Lord make you one with your wife? In body and spirit you are his.[a] And what does he want? Godly children from your union. So guard your heart; remain loyal to the wife of your youth. (Malachi 2:15)

My wife is so fine. She has stayed with me through all of the problems of our life together. She has never failed to love me and support me. There have been atrocities committed against her in the name of God that she has borne patiently and lovingly.

She has been behind me all the time I have been a pastor, and really, when it comes down to it, all the time we have been married.

I have never been able to give her the things I wanted to, yet she has remained loyal and faithful to me. Even when I had problems, she stayed by me. Even when the problems were caused by me, she has remained my love.

She has been with me since she was a cute little teenager until now when she is a mature woman. she has given me all her life and all her love. She has followed me all over the United States and lived wherever I lived. And wherever she was, was home.

I love her in a way that is hard to explain. And I will love her until I die.

She has problems now that she has troubles dealing with. Her MS and her pain are with her all the time. So I now take care of her.

She waited on me hand and foot when we were young and I accepted it as some kind of divine right. Now I wait on her and help her in whatever way I can.

I love her. And I can imagine loving no other.

She in mine and I am hers. And that is how it should be. How could I love any other.

daily java

Daily Java:

He who finds a wife finds what is good and receives favor from the LORD. (Proverbs 18:22)

Forty years ago about right now, we had eaten dinner at a seafood place in Galveston where we were going for our honeymoon. The lady who waited on us told Ella she had rice in her hair. Ella was, for some reason, very embarrassed.

Finally it came time to go to the hotel room.

The Flagship was a fancy hotel, one I usually didn’t choose. It was $50 for the two nights in 1971 money - $25 a night. Considering that I only made a little over $100 a month as a GI, it was a princely sum.

But it was also one of the coolest places to have your honeymoon. In fact the next morning we saw five or six cars with writing on them.

The hotel was out on a pier jutting into the Gulf of Mexico. All of the rooms had balconies and all of them had water exposure. We stayed on the fifth or sixth floor, I forget which.

It was one of the experiences of a lifetime, entering a hotel room with your new wife for the first time. You stand around and wonder what to do.

And you realize that we are going to be living together like this for the next lifetime.

We got room service the first night – such luxury! Hamburgers, I think. We were young people, of course.

The next morning, we went to church. The Broadway Church of Christ. We came in the door and met the people standing in the foyer. Hello, my name is Johnny Cliver and this is my wife, Ella Mochman. I mean Ella Cliver. Wow! She was my wife, you know. Even had my name now.

We ate pizza for lunch. It was too hot and burned Ella’s lip a little. I helped to apply pressure with some mouth to mouth.

We didn’t attend church that night. We went and got hamburgers and fries from Burger Chef and watched Bill Cosby’s show on TV. Ella started crying from the stress and all of the weekend. The big stupid idiot stood by while she did. Was she sorry she had married me? Why is she crying?

She quit after a minute – one of my first lessons of the differences between men and women – and everything was okay.

Monday we went back to my parents’ house and took up residence in their formal living room for a week.

Nancy, my ten year old sister was jealous beyond belief. I was, after all, her big brother and she almost idolized me. She hogged me and my presence and laid all over me until my mother finally made her leave so we all could go to bed.

Then we went to Germany – our first adventure together.

I love that woman.