daily java

Daily Java:

Let your wife be a fountain of blessing for you. Rejoice in the wife of your youth. (Proverbs 5:18)

When you are married for as long as we have been, lust is a choice you make.

I was reading an article the other day about how to keep lust alive in a marriage. Love in many ways is easy. You get to feel real affection for each other and you have been through a lot together. If you work it right, that breeds a lot of love.

But lust. How is it that a couple that has been married for 41 years can still feel lust for each other.

It is something to consider. Neither my wife nor I look like we did 41 years ago when first got married. I was 185 pounds, in the army and could do a lot of pushups and situps. I walked a lot and was in great shape. For the most part, so was she. She wore a size 10 or 12 dress and looked pretty good. Our wedding night and subsequent nights were fun.

The physical side of our relationship was good for several years just off momentum.

But there comes a time when you start getting older. You gain weight and stuff falls that needs to stay up. Lovemaking gets harder. Someone once wrote, “Sex after 60 is like shooting pool with a rope.” And it is true.

You can go the medical route and that helps some. Since the boomers want to keep having sex, a lot of pills have been developed that helps them, but they are expensive. And some you can’t take a lot.

Not only that, though, but you can take all of the libido-accentuating pills in the world, and there is still the problem that you are trying to desire someone that is the same age you are. You are back to the same problem you started with. How do you keep lust alive with a marriage partner of many years.

I think my wife and I do a good job. I like her and she likes me. we are committed to each other and decided to spend our sexual lives with each other only. There is no avenue outside of her that I can take. So I need to find her appealing or I am stuck.

I had a teacher in seminary that told us that if our wives cut us off at the sex pump, then we were stuck. If we believe in the Bible, there is no other way to have sex except with her. So what we needed to do was to be nice to her and learn to love her and treat her well. That way she would return the gesture.

And that is true. Part of our keeping lust alive is being nice to each other, being polite. And we have decided that we are it as far as sex goes. When that is the case, you find ways to make it enjoyable and find ways to want it.

Porn is of course, no option. It is demeaning and debasing to both partners and there is no way either of you look like the people in those things so in many ways it is self-defeating. Besides, if it takes that to get you excited then you are not really making love to your wife. You are only using her as a stand-in and you are committing adultery. You are with your mind anyway when you look at porn.

I decided at some time in the past that I liked my wife. And I like what she does with me. she is inventive in sex and loves me absolutely. So what do I want? Would I like it if she were younger and more beautiful? I guess I would force myself to do so. But then the problem comes that I am still the same guy, and maybe she wishes I was younger and more handsome.

She is my wife, I am her husband. When we make love, we are making love not just to each other, but to a history of 41 years together. we were virgins on our wedding night and we make love to a history. We decided to like each other.

Sounds too simple, but it is true.

the girls on the ads at Victoria’s Secret are young enough to be my granddaughter

The girls on the ads at Victoria’s Secret are young enough to be my granddaughter.

I don’t have a granddaughter, but I am old enough to have one that age.

And that makes me feel like a pervert. I do not like lusting after girls that are a third my age.

Now I appreciate a pretty girl. My wife knows I do and we discuss them. Not in any prurient sense, just in an appreciative way.

As I have said before, I believe that to be a real man, you have to like women. It is hard to really love your wife if you don’t really like women.

And any man who says he has never looked at another woman is one of two things: he is a liar, or he is just plain weird.

But I do not enjoy being forced into a kind of looking that I do not wish to do.

Back in the late 50’s or early 60’s, I don’t remember which, I saw my first p0rn picture. It was a picture of Brigitte Bardot, and she was wearing a pair of jeans and an open denim jacket. That’s it. You see pictures much more graphic at the perfume counters at Dillard’s and Macy’s.

And then of course, there is Victoria’s Secret with their full length pictures of young women wearing underwear.

I saw some pictures on a website the other day of girls in Playboy in the 50’s and 60’s. They were wearing swimsuits and such and were so tame as to be nothing today. In fact, one of the movies right now being touted as a Christian movie, “Soul Surfer,” has more graphic nudity in the bikinis worn by the actresses than Playboy magazine did in the 50’s.

The actresses in our movies are getting younger and younger and all have nude scenes. There comes a time when a Christian finally decides he will not go to a movie. First of all, I do not want to see other women naked and second, I sure don’t when they are young enough to be my grandchildren.

As I said at first, it makes me feel like a pervert. And I am not.

I still go to the mall. And I still go by the Victoria’s Secret store. It is kind of hard not to. In Lincoln, it was by the food court and the chairs where we sat to watch the weirdoes walk by. Here in Columbia I’m not sure where it is, but you know it will be in a very visible location.

Evil loves itself and is evangelistic in promoting its lack of values.

Enough rant for today.